


Unintended

by Queenbanana



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adulthood, Angst, Bass player Levi, Developing Relationship, Drama, F/M, Lame jean, M/M, Muse - Freeform, Music, Psychological, Relationship over the span of several years, Singing Levi, eren on drums, the awkward early twenties
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 10:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9178132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenbanana/pseuds/Queenbanana
Summary: Levi is lonely adult in his early twenties who doesn't quite know what he's doing with his life. So when Eren and his old high school friends show up in his life again with a proposal to startup a band he doesn't push them away. But where had they been all this time? And why is Mikasa so hateful towards him? A storm is brewing and he is about to get completely drenched. In more ways than one.





	1. Stagnation

_"You could be my unintended_

_Choice to live my life extended_

_You should be the one I'll always love_

_I'll be there as soon as I can_

_But I'm busy mending broken_

_Pieces of the life I had before_

_Before you...”_

-Unintended, by Muse 

* * *

 

_Thousands of eyes followed his every movement. His hands, delicately cradling a microphone between them. His feet, planted firmly on the stage, moving a step or two unconsciously as he ruled the stage. His eyes, closed lightly to envision every word his lips voiced as he sang, naturally and steadily, completely emerged in himself. His soul poured out in slow waves without his consent, enveloping the entirety of the audience. Drums, guitars, basses, he could hear it all, and he consumed it. He became one with it. He led it, floating, flying, directing, all in perfect and complete harmony. By the time his lips rested and his voice quieted, he opened his eyes, and was instantly blinded by the countless lights hitting him from every possible angle. Applause. Endless applause was directed at him from hundreds, thousands of bodies that surrounded him. His heart pumped furiously. His hands started to shake. Every single hair on his body stood on end. His pupils dilated slightly; his eyes contained a furious fire that threatened to consummate his entire being._

Levi opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the light. His breathing was still labored from his exhilarating dream. He lay down on his bed for a while, bringing a hand to his chest, ordering his dancing heart to calm down. As he lay there, his mind brings to surface memories of his younger days. Days full of naiveté, dreams, and such raw passion and dedication that he laughed at his own past self now. If his younger self had caught a glimpse of his future, he would be sorely disappointed.

“ _Levi, please come to my office after you’re done with that” said his fat boss._

_“Yes sir”, responded Levi sarcastically._

_He knew this was coming. He had plenty of experience with it. Getting fired, that is._

_One hour later, he walked into the fatass’s office and sat down with an annoyed air. He did not make a single attempt to hide his annoyance, since he was going to be leaving that shitty place for good very soon anyway. The fatass cleared his throat and attempted to make small conversation, to which Levi rolled his eyes and cut to the chase._

_“What do you want—“_ you fat fuck, “ _…Mark?”_

_Fatty looked at him in disbelief for a second but quickly recovered and took some papers out._

_“Levi- you’ve gravelly offended one of our clients. I’m sure you’re aware of this-“_

_Levi sighed again, exasperated._

_“I merely told the client what you didn’t have the balls to say”._

_The fatass turned red and threw the papers at Levi._

_“Clean out your cube by the end of today and get out.”_

_“Clean it yourself, you fat fuck”_

_And with that, he left._

He chuckles at the memory. Six months later and there he was at the age of twenty-four, lazing around in sweats and t-shirts all day. He’d taken a remote job to not have to deal with fat fucks anymore, at least not directly. He rarely stepped a foot outside his home nowadays, and while this lack of social contact was thoroughly welcomed, there was restlessness and a form of unease deep inside of him that he refused to acknowledge. There was something lacking, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on it. What was it that he wanted? Something in him was screaming, caged. A heavy desire to reach out and grasp the world with the palm of his hand. Was it simply human nature to crave and complain? Humans were cursed creatures. Never satisfied with their endless greed, they walked around with their feet bound to a chain of unhappiness .

He pulled his phone out from under his pillow and began scrolling through his emails.

_Ugh_.

An in-person meeting called for his mandatory attendance first thing Monday morning next week.

_Shit. Now I have to shave._

He doesn’t.

_…_

When Monday rolled around, Levi was not the slightest bit enthused about it. He dressed in his business casual clothes.  Black pants, grey button-down and no tie. His closet consisted of no less than twenty other outfits identical to the one he now wore. His hair had grown significantly over his months of carelessness. Maybe it was time for a haircut. This morning his hair had been in a Super Saiyan state that he could not possibly present at work. Thus he pulled it back in a low, short ponytail, leaving side bangs to frame his face. Giving his apartment one last look, he took his keys from the kitchen and headed out, not without a strange sensation of having left something behind.

He was early, way too early. He didn’t want to be the first guy at the meeting. Most of the attendees probably didn’t even know him, and hell if he was going to sit around getting interrogated. So he did what all the cubicle slaves do in the mornings to survive their mundane days- he went to Starbucks. He hated Starbucks.

_I’m at Starbucks. What am I doing with my life?_

Very engrossed in his pessimistic thoughts he was, that he completely missed a pair of eyes that followed his every movement the second he stepped inside the store. After exactly thirteen minutes, he reached the head of the line, and found himself looking at a familiar countenance. He smirked involuntarily. The barista was a little taller than he remembered and had facial hair, but those distinctive features of his were unmistakable.

“Give me a large sweet tea, horsy” Levi demanded, adding that last part quietly but loud enough for the barista’s nearest coworker to hear, who choked on air at the comment before muffling her laughter while she handled her customer. The barista, offended, opened his mouth to voice a retort, but then his eyes widened in recognition.

“Levi!” shouted the big idiot, causing everyone’s eyes to turn their way.

“Give me my drink, Jean” said Levi casually, with a small smile, happy to see an old friend despite himself.

Jean walked around the corner with his arms open, but Levi’s expression must have scared him off, because he lowered his arms and settled for an awkward hand shake instead. He laughed and pushed Levi toward a corner table.

“Go wait for your drink over there. It’s on me”. Levi opened his mouth to complain about paying for his own drink but noticing the stares directed at him, he rushes toward an empty table, before his name is called out for a second time today. From the corner table. Undoubtedly, this was the most social interaction he’d had all month, if not more. Turning to face that table, he once again spots a familiar face.

_Why did I wake up so early today?_

He’d been admittedly glad to see Jean. He hadn’t seen the guy in years. But having to deal with two Jeans in one day was a different story. Approaching the table with his trademark smirk, he greeted his old friend.

“Good morning, Eren”

Eren smiled brightly at him, padding the table space for Levi to sit in.

“Levi! It’s been so long!” He looked genuinely excited.

“It has.”

Instead of going for the awkward hug, Eren got up from his chair and put his hands on Levi’s shoulders, pushed down and successfully forced him into a sitting position. Momentarily stunned, Levi looked at his watch hoping it was time to go.

He still had twenty minutes .

“You’ve become even more antisocial, Levi. Are you not getting laid?”

Jean chose that moment to join the conversation as he brought Levi his tea.

“Of course he’s not, just look at that hair”

Eren burst out laughing with the comment.

“And his beard! It looks like premature pubic hair” adds Eren, starting another round of laughter with Jean.

“And that mustache—“

 “Are you two kids done insulting me?” interrupts Levi. The two dumbasses were getting under his skin.

For whatever reason, the two said kids start laughing at his expense once more. Irritated, he made a move to leave but Jean stopped him in the same manner Eren had previously done.

“Calm down Mr. Wolfman Wannabe. We’re just fucking with you” said Jean as he walked back to the counter.

“Sorry Levi, don’t listen to that idiot. But actually, I have to head to work. Is your old number still the same?”

Levi raised his eyebrows in surprise, but shook his head nonetheless. He hadn’t forseen this development.

“Well, what is it?” asked Eren, taking out his phone.

Reluctantly, he exchanged numbers with his old friend.

“Let’s get together again sometime!” exclaimed Eren with a smile as he left. Levi responds with a curt nod of his own.

_Like hell we will._

It’s not that he disliked Eren, or Jean, or any of his old friends. They were just that, old friends. A part of his past. He greatly cherished the memories he shared with them, but they didn’t fit into his current lifestyle. Admittedly, he didn’t know much about them anymore. But from what he’d seen today, they were still the same immature kids he knew in high school. They had too much energy that Levi himself lacked. And they reminded him of his younger self, his failed ambitions, his current state of passiveness.

He sipped his tea quietly for the next couple of minutes until his thigh vibrated. A text.

**Eren** _: Hey Levi, it’s Eren!_

**Levi** : _No shit._

He finished his tea and stood up. It was about time he went back.

“Come again, pubes!” shouted the idiot Jean.

Horrified, Levi all but ran to his car. He almost wished he’d gone straight to work that morning. On his way there, he chuckled as he remembered the two idiots. They hadn’t changed one bit.

_“Jeeeeeaaaaan. Go buy us chips” whined Eren, buried in a sea of blankets in his living room loveseat._

_“Why do I have to? I always go!”_

_“Mikasa wants some too, right Mika?”_

_A shout was heard from the bathroom._

_“Cheetos! Cheese!”_

_“Barbecue doritos” chipped in Levi._

_Defeated, Jean grabbed his keys and wallet._

_“Pffft. He can’t say no to Mikasa”_

_“I heard that!”_

_“Go already Jean. Or we won’t leave you any”_

_Jean mumbled something intelligible and left. Mikasa emerged from the bathroom moments later wearing nothing except a towel wrapped around her chest._

_“You shouldn’t pick on Jean so much” she said._

_“Why? Afraid he’s gonna kill us all someday?” teased Levi._

_Eren threw a pillow at him._

_“Oh shut up. He’d shoot himself by mistake first”._

_The three laugh._

Levi sighed. The four of them had been inseparable. He briefly wondered if Mikasa still kept in touch with the other two. Eren and Jean were evidently still on good terms with each other. If that was the case, had Levi been purposely avoided? At this point in life, he couldn’t bring himself to care, but he couldn’t deny that it bothered him a little.  By the time he arrived at the office, he’d gotten another text from Eren.

**_Eren:_** _So I was thinking_ , w _anna get the band started up again?_

Levi walked in to the office without responding.

Thirty minutes after, he was fighting furiously against his yawns. His eyes became unfocused, and his mind wandered, away from the petty office, back to eight years prior at Jean’s garage.

_Noise. Directionless noise. Out of tune. Out of sync. Out of rhythm. Levi strode over to Jean and snatched his guitar away._

_“Dumbass. Do you ever tune this piece of shit?”_

_“No” was his smart response._

_“Why the hell not?”_

_“Because you always tune it for him Levi” advised Mikasa. “You tune everyone’s instruments”._

_“Except you. He can’t tune you” said Jean, looking at Mikasa._

_The three teens turned to look at him for a few seconds, speechless, then burst out laughing simultaneously._

_“I swear you get lamer every day, Jean” said Eren, laughing._

_Levi patted his shoulder pitifully, saying “You’re good for us Jean” and went back to his bass._

_Instruments tuned and laughter aside, the four took their respective spots. Eren ruled the drums. Jean, of course, played guitar, as he’d refused to play anything but that. Because according to him, it was the coolest instrument. Levi was in charge of the bass and Mikasa of the vocals as well as second guitarist._

_“One, two, three” shouted Eren, and the noise began again._

_Gradually, the four teens found each other and pushed their way through. It was one of those rare moments during practice when things actually went well. When the four young people put their everything into it and connected with one another. By the end of it they were a sweaty, exhausted mess. But more than anything, they were happy, triumphant._

A question directed at him broke Levi’s reverie.

“What’s the status on your end, Levi?”

…

After the agonizing meeting finally came to an end, he pulled out his phone and sent a response to Eren.

**_Levi:_ ** _Sure._

Because, why hell not?

That day, he once again had a strange dream.

_The four young people were passed out in Eren’s living room. Pizza crumbs and empty beer bottles lay around everywhere on the floor, and there was… vomit below the unconscious Jean. Levi was drifting between a state of consciousness and unconsciousness. Mikasa slept awkwardly in a couch. Eren sat with his head against Mikasa’s legs, barely awake. He was humming a melody, one whose name Levi couldn’t quite recall, but he’d definitely heard it before. At the end of it, right before falling into a deep slumber, Eren whispered sorrowfully,_

_“You’re too cruel… Levi”_


	2. Reunion

Levi woke up feeling tired. Recalling the incident from the previous day made him get back into the bed. What had gotten into him? Why did he agree to join Eren’s stupid band? He groaned. Too much effort. He was perfectly comfortable under his blankets at home. His quiet, solitary home. He didn’t have the patience or time for it.

_No time? Pfft._

He pulled his phone out from under his pillow and typed a quick message to Eren, about take back his agreement to join the band. His thumb hovered over the send button for a few seconds when the phone suddenly vibrated, nearly causing him to drop the damn thing.

 **Eren:** _You better not be thinking of backing out_

 **Eren:** _Jean says he will drag you out by that ponytail_

_Fucking hell, what timing_

…

One week later, Levi gets a call from Eren.

“Are you free right now Levi?”

“No”

“What are you doing?” 

“None of your business Eren.” He was watching TV.

“What do you want?”

“Mikasa and I are at Jean’s house, wanna come?”

“No”

Eren sighed.

“Tell him we’re going to find a different bassist if he doesn’t get his ass here!”  shouted Jean from somewhere on the other end of the line.

 “I’m perfectly fine with that” yawned Levi.

“Annie plays bass pretty well,” added a female voice, close to the receiver. Eren whispered something intelligible to the new person and returned to the phone.

 “Will you be coming?” asked Eren again.

“…”

“Levi?”

“Fine,” responded Levi with an eye-roll, he wasn’t doing much sitting at home anyway. “send me Jean’s address”.

 Eren was quiet for a second, then he chuckled and shouted,

“Hey Jean, Levi wants to know your new address!”

To which Jean responded with a, “Oh, shut up already! I’m the only one with a garage anyway!”

Puzzled, Levi remained silent as the two on the other end of the line continued to bicker. Was Jean staying at some run-down house? Was it just so small they were making fun of it..? After some shuffling around, Jean took up the receiver and hesitantly declared,

“Uh, so, it’s at the place we always met at…”

_Of course._

 “…As expected of you. I’ll be there in thirty”. He hung up, shaking his head. Of course Jean would still be living with his parents.

 

* * *

 

 

Levi felt a sense of awkwardness sticking to him as he knocked on Jean’s front door after so many years. He felt he was being reduced to a nervous teenager waiting for someone to open the door, hoping it wouldn’t be the parents.  Why the hell did he have to put up with that kind of bullshit?

_Fucking Jean._

No more than a minute later, a tall, lithe, graceful woman with large hazel eyes and short brown hair opened the door.

Frederica Kirstein.

She smiled politely at the young man.

Levi, instantly recognizing Jean’s mother, smiled back.

“Is Jean here?” asked Levi, complimenting himself internally for keeping his composure. The woman had not lost an ounce of that natural elegance and attractiveness that used to make his cheeks redden and his hands sweat.

“Yes. Are you a friend of his…?” asked the woman, scrutinizing him.

His heart stopped for a second. Was she being serious? Suddenly, his feelings cooled.

He raised his eyebrows, replying as coldly as he could muster, “Right”

She studied him for a few more seconds, then stepped aside to let him in. He made a straight line for the garage without waiting to be led there, and Jean chose that moment to come out into view.

“Wow Levi, that was fast. Weren’t you busy?”

Levi clenched his teeth to keep his foul response to himself in front of Jean’s mother, who, at hearing his name, let out a surprised little noise that she quickly hid in the back of her hand.

“What, mother, did you forget Levi?” asked Jean with mirth.

Levi clenched his hands into little fists. Jean was a serious pain in the ass.

Frederica, unfazed, slapped Jean in the back of his head.

“Why didn’t you tell me Levi was coming huh?” Then she turned to Levi and added, “I had no idea you still kept in touch with my foolish son. I thought you had found better friends”.

Levi chuckled. This is why he liked the woman.

“We met by chance the other day, unfortunately”, responded Levi, easily keeping up with her.

“Oh, how unlucky you are!”

“Stop it ma!” interrupted Jean, a little red in the face.

“What, do I embarrass you honey? Isn’t the other way around?” she said with a chuckle.

Jean, the short-tempered fool he was, mumbled something under his breath along the lines of _fucking giraffe_ and marched back to the garage. Levi snorted and followed after him.

The place hadn’t changed all that much from what he remembered. It was the same tacky shit green color that Jean had proudly chosen himself, with large rectangular windows facing the neighborhood. Old pieces of furniture were scattered around the room carelessly, close to the walls. A set of drums lay on the polished concrete floor, in one corner of the room. Various guitars adorned the place. Jean had evidently collected more as the years piled on. There was dirt everywhere. But somehow, the room welcomed him. It pulled him in. How many years had it been since he had been there? He felt oddly nostalgic, but he made sure his face remained impassive as he surveyed everything.

Two sets of eyes watched him curiously from a loveseat, situated in another corner of the room, hidden from his view. Suddenly, an acoustic guitar filled the silence in the air.

“Levi has decided,” began Eren playfully with a smile on his face, strumming his guitar lazily.

 “to join his poor old friends”,

Then a different voice joined in,

“he thinks he’s so much better”

And then a third—

“so can he please go away”

Rolling his eyes, he turned back and narrowed his eyes at Mikasa, who had finished the little tune, then at Eren, whose hands held the guitar to blame.

“Is this the ingenious song we’ll be practicing, Eren?” asked Levi sarcastically.

Eren flashed his toothy smile, shaking his head.  “I don’t see a problem with that!”

“Oh! Levi can dance to it!” added Jean.

Meanwhile, Mikasa stared daggers at Levi from her spot in the couch next to Eren. She raised her hand. “I will do the rest of the lyrics” she volunteered, looking directly at Levi with an almost hostile expression.

_The fuck did I do to her?_

“Oh? And what would they be, Mikasa?” asked Levi with feigned interest.

She taps her chin in slowly,  “Hmm. Something like…”

“Levi is a major ass,

major ass,

major ass,

Levi is a major ass,

And we hate him”

Levi raised his eyebrows. “What a lovely version of London Bridge is Falling Down” he said, approaching her with large, deadly strides. Calmly, as if talking to a pet, he moved his hand to her chin. Never having been one to undermine women, and especially not Mikasa, he grabbed her forcefully by her lower cheekbones. His face came within five inches of hers.

“Look here, _Ackerman._ What is your goddamn problem?” He increased the pressure of his hand as he said this, but Mikasa did not so much as flinch. She simply brought her foot out and pushed Levi away with it, with seemingly no effort at all. Ignoring his question, she looked away with an air of indifference.

Exasperated, Levi turned to Eren, clearly on the verge of dragging Mika by the hair to demand an explanation. Eren sighed and turned to Jean, who looked equally as helpless.

“Tsk. I can’t do this. I can’t deal with you bunch of kids” claimed Levi, starting to walk to the door, but of course, the beautiful Frederica chose that moment to interrupt.

“Jean, I’m heading out. Be sure to lock up if you leave.” She said hurriedly, walking away before anyone could respond.

Eren chuckled from his spot in the couch. “Levi, do you seriously still have a crush on Jean’s mom?”

Jean turned around so quickly he nearly lost his balance. “What?! Levi has a crush on my mom?!”

Eren threw his head back in a fit of laughter, “Are you serious Jean? Even your dog knows!”

Jean looked back and forth between Eren and Levi, noticeably shocked.

If Levi could blush, he was sure he would be sporting a tomato in his face at that point. Even Mikasa wore a small smile.

Levi finally found his voice again. He cleared his throat. “Frederica is very attractive”.

Jean’s jaw dropped.

“You—“

Levi made to move toward the door again, resuming his earlier mission to leave, but his path was blocked by Jean.

“Oh no, you can’t just leave after such a big revelation. Come on, since when do you have the hots for my mom…?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I don’t ‘have the hots’ for you mother, Jean. I only said she was attractive”

“So… you want to have sex with her?” Jean would not let the topic go.

“Of course not. She’s your mother” Levi had forgotten how much of a kid Jean could be.

“So if she wasn’t… you would totally bang her” Jean looked outright disgusted.

Eren jumped into the conversation then. “Just because Levi wants to bang someone it doesn’t mean it will happen”.

Jean visibly relaxed. “Right. My mom has good taste”

Levi rolled his eyes again, before Mikasa indifferently added, “And I don’t believe she’s into pedophilia”. 

Jean laughed a little too much at the insult, seemingly being the only one who found it funny. “That’s right! When you came in today my mum must have thought you were a boy scout or something”

_This idiot._

Again, Levi made a move to leave, and once again, the idiot stopped him.

“Woah there, you haven’t answered me. Since when do you have a thing for my ma?”

“I don’t have ‘a thing’ for anyone. Can you get out of my way or do I have to move you myself?”

“Chill out man. Ok, then since when do you find my mother ‘attractive’?”

Levi sighed, defeated. He sat down on the nearest chair. “I’ve always found her attractive. Very attractive. When we were young and… full of hormones, I felt stupidly nervous around her” Levi chuckled. “Seeing her again took me by surprise is all. Now it feels strangely awkward, like seeing an old ex”.

Jean’s dumbfounded expression returned. “Did you… jack off to my mom?”

Levi blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

He looked away from Jean and directed his gaze to meet Eren’s, who chuckled and came to the rescue.

“Do you really want to know the answer to that Jean?” asked Eren with a suggestive tone that betrayed his amusement.

Jean thought about it for a few seconds. “I think… I don’t” he ended with a cringe.

Levi had, in fact, never “jacked off” to Frederica, but he would let the thought plague Jean’s mind for a little while.

All previous thoughts of leaving evaporated, and Levi felt at home again, welcomed by his little group of idiots. Jean pulled down the projector screen they had begged Frederica to install for them years ago, and all settled down on the big sofa opposite of it. Levi sat on one end of it, next to Jean, who practically sat on Eren’s lap when he finished setting up the screen, because there wasn’t really enough space for the four adults. Not that Jean minded. He used to lie down on all their laps even when there was enough space. Levi looked at Mikasa. She sat on the other end of the couch, with her usual stony expression, but she was relaxed. Feeling his gaze, she looked his way and her face quickly hardened again. She turned to Eren and gave him a small tender smile.

Levi had a serious urge to beat someone up. Preferably someone with short, black hair, and very fair skin. Who sat at the other end of the couch.

“So what movie do you all wanna watch?” asked Jean lazily, digging through Netflix entries on his phone.

“How about we marathon attack on titan? Since the second season is coming out and all” suggested Levi.

“That’s a good idea! I vote yes. Mikasa what do you think?” asked Jean

“Sure, whatever”

“Eren?” inquired Levi

“Sure…”

“Do you have another suggestion?”

“No, it’s just that I’ve seen it so many times already, but I’m fine with it” he offered a small smile, scratching the back of his head. Levi hadn’t seen the show again since the first time they all watched it in high school as it aired. It used to be a ritual of sorts. Every Friday night, they would run to Eren’s living room and stretch out on the couches together to watch the latest episode.

“Ok then! Attack on titan it is!” shouted Jean in a louder voice than necessary, jumping up from his spot to turn off the lights. He put on the show and came back to his seat, but this time he spread out on everyone’s laps as he as he was so accustomed to doing so. Naturally, his head was on Levi’s lap, because he was too much of a dork to put it on Mikasa’s. They passed the next few hours this way, pausing every now and then to bring in some snack, or take a piss, or wait for Jean to finish his call- which was, everyone agreed, taking way too long.

“Jean, just invite your boyfriend over if he misses you so much”, teased Eren. Levi wasn’t sure he wanted more company.

“He has a boyfriend?” he asked, not really all that interested but slightly curious.

“Nah, it’s a guy that he goes to school with. We joke about it because they’re always together” answered Eren lazily, starting to yawn. Looking out the window, Levi saw the sky had gone dark.

“Oh, Master’s?” Levi had speculated as much—either Jean was a dropout, leeching off his parents, or still a student. He admitted he had all but expected the former, because it just seemed to fit Jean’s character better.

“…No. Bachelor’s. The idiot has changed his major three times already” Eren explained with a chuckle. “He probably won’t graduate for a few more years”.  Well, Levi’s speculation hadn’t been very far off.

Jean came back to the couch with a plate full of popcorn that he refused to share. The fat fuck. After the twelfth episode, they had had enough. Jean had fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of it.

“Aw, I wanted to do a quick practice session before we left”, complained Eren, pushing the unconscious Jean off him to stretch his limbs. Jean, now situated half on the floor and half on Levi’s lap, grumbled and muttered “No Marco, I don’t want to” in that particular tone of voice people get when talking in their sleep. Eren, amused, answered him.

“You don’t want to what?”

Again, Jean mumbled, “I don’t want to do it man, I don’t want to”, at this, his voice raised up a notch and he curled unto Levi, holding on to his leg and nuzzling it in his unconscious state. Levi was one second away from kicking the fuck out of Jean, if it wasn’t for Mikasa getting up from her spot and grabbing Jean gently from the armpits effortlessly. She shooed Eren away and laid the sleeping idiot on the couch. The action would have appeared normal and even friendly to anyone, but when she’d torn Jean away from Levi’s legs, she’d been sporting a particular look on her face, one that could almost be labeled as disgust. What, was she afraid of Jean catching the Levi germs? He scoffed. How the hell was he supposed to work with that attitude of hers?

Levi got up, stretched, and was about to announce he was leaving, but then Eren went to take a seat behind his drums, in that little stool on which he had carved his name, and shot a toothy smile at Levi.

“Can we just do a song please? Come on, don’t you want to?”

The fact was, he _did_ want to, he _itched_ to get his hands on his bass and lose himself completely. He missed the feeling of becoming so immersed in something that he lost all sense of time and reality itself, that when he came down from his high, the world seemed like a much smaller, insignificant place. Eren must have read his growing excitement on his face, because his smile broadened, and he beckoned Levi to come closer by a motion of his hand. There, almost hidden behind the drums, was his old bass, black, slick and beautiful, luring him in. He did not hesitate to pick her up. His hands traveled along the length of her neck gently. She was as stunning as he remembered. His one and only love. Why the hell he had abandoned her at Jean’s shit of a garage he could not understand. But now that they had reunited, he would never abandon her again.

A noise broke him out of his concentration. Someone had evidently started to tune a guitar, and seeing that Eren was still at the drums and Jean was still asleep, it could be none other than Mikasa.

“…Since when do you play guitar?” he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

Surprisingly, Miksasa answered without a trace of hatred, or disgust, or whatever the hell it was that she was trying to convey. “I’ve been teaching myself for a few years now”

“She’s been playing with Annie in a guitar-bass duet –do you remember Annie?”

Levi nodded, of course he remembered Annie, the skinny pale girl with a large nose that outsmarted everyone in everything. Except him, of course. She and Mikasa were the only two that had come close to any of his P.E. scores.

For the next hour, the three young adults played around with their respective instruments. Eren and Levi were horribly rusty, and could not flow together in any of the songs they attempted. Eventually they settled for simply making noise, because that’s all they were doing. Mikasa was screaming random lyrics that sounded more like she was telling the world off than singing. Eren hit his drums as fast as he was physically capable of while trying to maintain some kind of rhythm, and Levi did the same. He angrily played note after note, abusing his lovely bass, letting out all the rage and frustration that had been bottling up inside. At one point Eren joined Mikasa’s screaming and not too long after Levi joined in as well. It was a competition of sorts, where they would often shout over one another, or in no particular order they would scream some obscenity, profanity, or piece of meaningless information such as “Jean is fucking ugly!”.

 Finally, they finished with Eren’s loud and final “My throat is fucking sore!”. He let his drumsticks slip past his fingers and slumped against a wall he believed to be behind him… but there was no wall there. The other two ceased all movement and witnessed his fall, as if in slow motion, right out of those crappy shows on TV that are supposed to be funny. But the thing was, it _was_ funny. Levi and Mikasa looked at each other, having long since let go completely of whatever tension was between them, and bust out laughing, right along with Eren who couldn’t tell whether he was laughing or crying. They eventually calmed down and joined Eren on the floor, catching their breaths.

Levi felt refreshed, renewed, cleansed. He couldn’t quite describe it in words, but he was at peace, relieved of any worries that may have been plaguing his mind before, completely calm with himself. He belonged here. He belonged with these people. This was his home.

Jean, not surprisingly, slept through it all. The other three followed him in his slumber soon after, drained.

 

* * *

 

Levi woke up with an extremely sore neck. He opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the darkness. It took him a couple of seconds to recollect the previous night, and realize that he’d fallen asleep sitting uncomfortably against a wall. He pulled his phone out and checked the time. 5 am. On a fucking Sunday. He considered sneaking out while the others were asleep, but the thought went completely out the window when he caught an intense stare directed at him from across the room.

 _Creepy_.

He could make out a figure in the darkness, sitting in a couch with its legs crossed, silently watching him. The stare alone must have woken him up, Levi thought as he stood up to leave. The figure stood as well and followed him out the door. The scenario would make a perfect setting for a scary movie. Once they were in the front porch, Levi turned to face his follower.

“Do you need something, Mikasa?” asked Levi, slightly annoyed, but curious about what Mikasa wanted to say.

“I do”

“Well go on” pressed Levi.

“I need to talk to you”. Mikasa appeared to be growing impatient, even though she was the one prolonging the conversation.

“Have you finally gotten that stick out of your ass?” Mikasa gave him a blank look, took a deep breath, and began her monologue.

“Ok, first let me say I don’t have anything against you, personally. I know I have been acting rudely and you have no idea what’s going on, but that’s exactly what makes me angry. You’re so oblivious of the effect you have on people, or maybe you just don’t care. Do you know how much of an ass you are? Commanding, rude—“

“What are you trying to say, Mikasa?” he interrupted her before she could go on in a list of insults, which he had heard only a million times before.

“As I was saying, not everyone likes you. Not everyone wants you back in this band”.

“…”

Levi was speechless for once. He knew Mikasa had something against him, but the way she expressed it suggested it had been an ongoing sentiment over a long period of time, shared with people other than herself. He again thought of how the three had kept in touch, but no one had attempted to contact him. And just the night before, he’d felt right at home with them. More offended than he’d like to admit, he raised his eyebrows at Mikasa, shrugged, and walked away.

He knew he was disliked by the general public, but he had been under the impression he was liked by his friends. Unless his memories deceived him, Mikasa must have been exaggerating. He kicked at a small leaf lifelessly lying on the ground on his way to his car. Why had fucking Eren invited him to join their little band if he was so disliked then? Why couldn’t he have left him to continue living in his monotony dullness?

Clearly, there was _something_ going on, and if he wanted to find out what it was, the one person that would tell him was Eren. Mikasa was out of the question and Jean would undoubtedly take her side. He dug around his jean pockets for his phone to send Eren a text, demanding an explanation, but the damn thing was nowhere to be found. He cursed, realizing he must have left it in the goddamn garage.

Cursing again, he walked back to the house, finding it unlocked, and stepped in quietly. If he was lucky and the lights were still out, he could probably get away by snatching his phone without being seen.

He wasn’t lucky.

Or perhaps he was.

As he approached the back door that led to the garage, he heard two sets of voices arguing in hushed tones.

“What did you tell him?” whispered Eren, most likely to Mikasa.

“I told you, I didn’t say anything unnecessary” responded she.

“Mikasa…”

“All I said is that he’s not welcome here”

Levi wondered if he should make his entrance now; this conversation was clearly not meant for his ears, but the opportunity was too good to abandon.

Eren grumbled something Levi couldn’t make out.

“Eren…”

“Stop it Mikasa! I know what I’m doing, alright?” Their voices were getting louder.

“You’re going to get hurt—“

 “Stop it! Do you think I’m that pathetic? It’s been eight years!”

“Eren…”

“Why can’t you understand? I don’t like him. Not anymore”

At this point, Levi could hear no more. He forced the door open loudly, stepped around Eren, who was still sitting on the floor with his knees under his chin, and grabbed his phone. Eren looked at him bewildered, but before he could say anything Levi rushed out of the place, not giving them a second glance.

 


	3. Confession

Chapter 3 – Confession

What the fuck had that been about? Obviously, they’d been talking about Levi. Was this some sort of sick game of Eren’s? Levi was not, would not let himself be played. Whatever their deal was, he did not want to know about it nor did he want to be a part of it. Perhaps Mikasa had been trying to warn him off. Or perhaps even Mikasa’s attitude was planned. Hell, perhaps they’d been acting out that conversation just to gauge his reaction. And he played right into their hands. Angry with himself, he kicked the wheel of his car, cursing. Then he heard it. Eren called out his name from not too far away. Levi was much too unsettled to talk with the guy, so he got into his car and drove off. An immature move, but he couldn’t bring himself to deal with people right now. He’d go back to live in happy isolation, forget the last few weeks and enjoy peace with good tea.

By the time he arrived home, he’d gotten three missed calls and eight new messages, all from Eren. And one from Mikasa. He checked that one first.

**_Mikasa:_ ** _Don’t ignore Eren._

Of course. All she ever had to say involved her dear Eren one way or another. She had no identity outside being the guy’s best friend. That couldn’t possibly be healthy. Their relationship was purely platonic, but Mikasa was much too possessive and protective of the guy. Levi sighed and opened Eren’s messages.

**_Eren:_ ** _Levi… can you answer your phone please_

**_Eren:_ ** _Can we just talk? I want to explain_

**_Eren:_ ** _I know you’re probably driving but please call me back when you get home_

**_Eren:_ ** _And ignore anything Mikasa might say._

**_Eren:_ ** _She’s beating me up_

**_Eren:_ ** _sorry for spamming btw…_

Levi sighed. He didn’t really care what the green eyed idiot had to say, but he’d hear him out just to see what kind of excuse he would come up with. So he called back. Eren picked up at the third ring.

“You actually called” said a breathless Eren, no doubt running around the house to fetch his phone.

“You wouldn’t stop bothering me if I didn’t” said Levi coldly.

“Can we meet somewhere? I’d rather explain in person”

Levi rolled his eyes.

“Just spit it out Eren”

“Can we please just meet? I’ll explain everything.”

Levi was tempted to hang up on the guy and block him, but he held back, deciding to meet the annoying creature one last time so he would stop bothering him.

“Fine. Come over to my place then. I’ll text you my address.”

Eren sucked in a breath, taken by surprise.

“Um- sure, I guess” replied Eren hesitantly after a few seconds. Levi did not possess that much patience.

“Do you have a problem coming to my house, Eren?”  Levi’s frustration increased exponentially by the second. How had he been able to stand this guy before?

“No! It’s not that… I was just surprised. I didn’t think you let people in your house so easily…”

“You’re right, I don’t. But I’m fucking tired and can’t be bothered to move. So hurry the hell up before I change my mind”.

With that, he hung up and quickly texted Eren his address, instantly regretting it the second the text went through. Hadn’t he decided just a minute ago to cut off all contact with them? But now Eren knew where he lived. Well, it didn’t matter. He doubted they would bother visiting him, when they couldn’t even wish him a happy birthday once a year through social media. Exhausted, he embraced gravity and fell facedown into his bed, enjoying the smell of clean sheets and the softness that enveloped him.

The doorbell woke him up. He’d drifted off without noticing. With a groan, he got up to greet his unwelcomed guest, who stood in front of the door awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

“Come in. What are you standing there for? Do you always need to be told what to do?” Levi couldn’t hide the irritation from his voice. He especially hated being woken up from his naps.

Eren nodded, embarrassed, and walked in past Levi, closing the door behind him. He proceeded on with his awkwardness, now standing in the middle of the living room, again scratching the back of his head. Levi walked up to him and smacked him in the back, causing him to stumble a bit. “Sit the fuck down. Are you waiting for me to offer you tea or something? Because I’m not.”

The idiot finally took a seat in the nearest couch, waiting for Levi to follow suit, before he sighed and opened his mouth to begin his monologue, looking down at the coffee table between them.

“Ok, so when we were in high school-“ Levi interrupted him before he could go on with his story for  hours. “Get to the point Eren”.

Eren shot him a glare, looking at him for the first time since he entered the apartment.

“…Like I was saying, when we were in high school, I was… going through, err, self discovery”. Eren looked away with a hint of embarrassment in his voice. Levi had no idea where he was going with this story. “…And some self denial. Mikasa was the only one that knew what I was going through and she was always there for me”. Levi tapped his foot with impatience, not without catching the attention of his companion. “Somehow, she got it into her head that I was in love with you”.

_That_ got Levi’s attention. He froze for two seconds, looked up to meet Eren’s gaze, and chuckled darkly. “Where the hell did that come from? You’ve got some very impressive story telling skills. ” Eren reddened the slightest bit, looking away.

“So, gay?” asked Levi with clear curiosity. Eren nodded.

“And everyone knew about it?” It was such a trivial thing, but Levi couldn’t help feeling a little left out, again.

Eren shrugged. “I wasn’t hiding it. You just didn’t notice.”

For a brief second, a strange expression crossed Eren’s features, but he quickly replaced it with a small smile, “…and I will admit that I may have had a _tiny_ bit of a crush on you back then. Honestly, you were probably the one that made me realize my… sexual preferences.”

It didn’t quite sound like a tiny crush to Levi.

“It’s all in the past now!” laughed Eren. “But Mikasa is still stuck on it. She thinks I still like you or something.”

This was not a development Levi had expected at all. He almost regretted listening to Eren’s explanation.

“I promise you it was just a small crush. Like the kind you have towards Jean’s mom”

That finally got response out of Levi. “It’s not a crush goddamit”.

Eren just laughed some more at his expense. “See? It was like that... Or, no, less than that. I don’t think I ever acted that nervous around you like you do with Mrs. Kirstein”.

“Ok I get it I get it” Levi raised his hands in surrender, not really wanting to go into that topic again. “So, does that mean I made you gay?”

Once again, Eren blushed a little.

“No… but you were very… hot. I couldn’t help it ok” he replied, scratching his head for the third time today.

“And Mikasa doesn’t want me around you because she thinks you’ll get hurt?”

“Right”.

Levi hummed in understanding. There was a nagging feeling on his mind that bothered him, a suspicion that he dared not put into words, so he forced it all the way to the back of his mind and left it there untouched.  They chatted for a little while longer, falling into mindless conversation with ease. Talking with Eren required no effort, it flowed so naturally that he didn’t notice the time passing them by. When Eren finally went home, the sky had turned dark.

* * *

 

The next few days went by uneventfully. Not a single soul had attempted to make contact with him. Then, right in the middle of the working week, Eren showed up at his doorstep. With Mikasa. And Jean.

Giving his address away had definitely been a mistake.

 “I don’t remember inviting any of you to my home”.

Jean forcefully pushed his way in, not even taking his shoes off, and flopped down on one of the sofas. “We have a gig exactly one month from today”, he said as he leaned back and crossed his feet on top of the coffee table.

Needing no further invitation, Levi grabbed Jean by his shirt’s neckline and dragged him back to the entrance. He pushed him past the still open door and into the hallway outside his apartment. Jean fell on the floor the second he was released, and the next second the door was shut in his face.

Levi gave the two onlookers a look that kept them rooted to their spots by the door, but as soon as Jean recovered outside and shouted a “Hey!” they all bust out laughing.

Being careful to take their shoes off, they followed Levi inside his neat apartment and took a seat next to each other in a stiff, but surprisingly comfortable black loveseat. His apartment was designed simply but elegantly. It gave off a modern vibe. His walls were white, with minimum decorations. They held a few abstract paintings of various sizes, and, if one was to look up, an astonishing piece of decoration stole one’s breath away.  A ceiling mural of the night sky adorned the place beautifully, perfectly coordinating with the rest of the slick, dark furniture around the room.

“This place is lonely” muttered Mikasa, ending the silence they’d both entered as they examined the apartment.

“I think it’s romantic. But then, for a single person it probably makes them lonelier”, added Eren, mesmerized with the mural.  

A strange noise was heard from outside, something close to a sob. They all looked at each other in disbelief. Was Jean seriously crying outside?

Sighing, Levi got up and opened the door to a stumbling Jean, who had evidently been clinging to it for dear life. Levi didn’t blame him. His neighbor’s wolf hybrid stood in silence in front of them, glaring at him in silence that spoke more than the deadly growls Levi had witnessed multiple times before. Jean scurried inside right before the dog’s owner appeared at the scene with his heavy footsteps. He crouched low and opened his arms wide. The dog instantly threw himself into the arms of the man and almost caused him to lose his balance. The man ruffled his fur affectionately. He picked up the large animal effortlessly with both arms and turned to face his neighbor.

“Levi, I don’t know how many times I have to apologize for this little guy bothering you. He slips out the door the second I open it”. The blond man shook his head with a smile, petting the dog unconsciously.

Levi waved a hand dismissively. “As long as he doesn’t get his germs inside my home I don’t mind him”.

The man turned to leave, but a sound inside his apartment made him look back. “Oh? You have company?”. His thick eyebrows shot up in obvious surprise— an understandable response, given Levi’s lack of social life. But his social life had nothing to do with his neighbor. Why were people so goddamn intrusive?

“Look—“ Levi stopped midsentence, realizing that he had no idea what his neighbor’s name was. They’d been living next to each other for at least three years, exchanging forced pleasantries every now and then but all Levi knew about the guy was that he owned a hideous fucking dog. “what I do or not do is not the concern of my neighbors.” And with that, he went back inside, leaving two sets of amused sky blue eyes staring at his back.

The noise from inside the house originated from Jean, of course. He laid on his spotless floor breathing heavily, Eren standing above him with a smug look on his face. Levi didn’t really want to know what they were fighting about now.

“Get a spec of dirt in this room and you’re out”. The two idiots went to sit in a sofa reluctantly and waited for Levi to join them.

“Ok, so this dumbass here signed us up for a ten minute performance at some hipster bar”.

Jean pushed Eren off the couch. “It’s not a hipster bar! And Levi looks like a hipster anyway”.

Eren laughed with Jean and dragged him off the couch with him. “Seriusly, Levi, get a haircut. Thanks to this dumbass we have to perform in public now”.

“We don’t have to. Jean can do it himself” suggested Mikasa.

“That’s not a bad idea, you’ll make the ladies swoon” agreed Levi.

“Pffft. They’ll swoon from his shocking singing!” Eren pulled out his phone and quickly scrolled through his videos. “Here. He’s actually done this before. One time he was drunk-” He started the video and crawled over to Levi to show him, but before he could get there Jean jumped up and snatched the phone away. They chased each other around the house until a loud crack froze them in their tracks. Painfully slowly, Eren bent down to pick up his cracked phone, and without any sort or warning, kicked behind him as hard as he could. It was perfectly aimed at Jean’s balls. The poor bastard fell helplessly to the floor writhing in pain.

Eventually, they all settled down to discuss Jean’s idiocy. Nobody wanted to perform. That hadn’t been the plan. Levi, however, couldn’t stop his mind from recalling the dream he had a couple weeks ago. The feeling of euphoria that enveloped him everytime he got onstage. So he couldn’t stop his mouth from spouting out the words that started it all.

“Let’s do it”.

“Yeah! Let’s do it!” shouted Jean from his fetal position on the floor. “It’s only three songs”.

Eren and Mikasa looked at each other. Then small matching smiles spread across their faces.

“We’ll do it”, Mikasa paused for a second or two, then looked directly at Levi, “but only if Levi sings”. Was she being serious? Levi had only sang onstage once before, and he hadn’t done it alone. He hated all the attention that came being the vocalist. All three sets of eyes looked at him expectantly. No way in hell he was going to do it.

“Please, Levi?” Eren looked at him with large pleading eyes that brought about a strange feeling within Levi. Was it guilt?

He somehow found himself agreeing.

* * *

 

The next month was absolute hell. Between work and practice at Jean’s garage, he had no time for himself. It was exhausting and he was always disgustingly sweaty. But at the same time, he had something to look forward to. If he was being completely honest with himself, he was _thrilled._ He couldn’t wait to go onstage. Even if only a single person was listening, he craved that exquisite adrenaline rush, that feeling of becoming one with his music, that feeling of being completely in control.

The prickling at the back of his mind hadn’t gone completely away. There were times that it threatened to surface. Sometimes, when he practicing singing, he felt a strong stare burning at his back. At first he ignored it. Then he thought it was Mikasa glaring at him, but she was concentrated on not messing up her guitar notes. She was actually surprisingly good with it. Jean played like he was the center of the universe. Anyone would question how he could play with others without being the soloist, but the guy managed. Truthfully, Jean was the best player out of all of them. He was the only one that continued independent regular practice over the years, not counting Mikasa who had picked up the guitar only a few years ago. He didn’t doubt Jean got them this gig to show off. Eren, on the other hand, was as rusty as Levi. He hadn’t touched his drums since the band broke up years ago. Needless to say, practices did not go very smoothly at first. They met multiple times a week, and in the final two weeks, they practiced every single day for hours. They goofed around the half of the time, but eventually managed to sound decent enough to stop making Levi cringe.

Today, practice was going particularly well. They didn’t sound bad at all. Levi was almost eager to take the mike for the one song he had agreed to sing. And when Mikasa finally passed it to him, he allowed himself to forget the world. For today only, he would give it his all at practice. His heart started beating fast with anticipation. He closed his eyes, listening closely to the sounds around him. Perfectly on time, he joined in with his voice. He almost felt a little dizzy. _This_ was the feeling he missed. What he yearned for, what was missing—

Then Eren missed a beat.

A dark hole opened up in the form of Eren and sucked in the remaining creatures. Mikasa was the first to fall in. She was not a strong enough player to withstand the force of bad rhythm. Of course, Jean followed and ultimately Levi fell in as well.

In silent understanding, they all stopped trying, having had enough for one day, and ganged up on Eren. Mikasa pulled his ear, and Jean and Levi both smacked in the back of the head. Then Jean jumped on top of him and they both tumbled onto the hard floor. Mikasa and Levi followed, piling up on top of the poor bastard. He took it all in without complaint, with an uncharacteristic apologetic smile. Levi once again had a nagging feeling that refused to go away.

...

At last, the day arrived. Levi found himself strangely energetic. Anxious, even.  He burned some of the energy at the pool his apartment complex hosted, but soon grew restless and came back inside to kill time reading history books. His phone rang soon after with the default Verizon ring tone, because default is king. Why change it? He didn’t have a song he particularly wanted to hear when his phone rang.

“Hello?” he answered without paying attention to the caller.

“Levi! Are you ready?” came the familiar voice of Eren through the receiver. He looked at his watch. They wouldn’t go onstage for roughly five more hours.

“Eren. We have five hours”

“I know, but I’m too nervous. Wanna come over and watch something on TV to kill time?”

Levi hesitated for a second too long. Then he kicked himself for it. Eren had come out and admitted his feelings honestly, and the worst Levi could do was start to act weird around him. It was all in the past anyway. “Sure”, he replied finally, and he thought he almost heard Eren release a breath. Perhaps he was imagining it, or perhaps—

 “Just come over to Jean’s house. I’m already here and Mikasa’s on her way”.

Oh. So it wouldn’t be just the two of them.

He shook his head slightly to clear any thoughts away and agreed to go to Jean’s in half an hour.

By the time he got there, instead of watching AOT like he thought they would be, everyone was in the garage practicing again. Levi couldn’t blame them. His fingers itched to get on that bass.

And that they did.

He played and played until his fingers hurt. He screamed and jumped as they played random songs they wouldn’t even be playing tonight. They were just burning off steam, not knowing what to do with all that built up energy. At one point Jean’s mother came in to complain about the noise and threatened to kick Jean out of the house if they kept up the screaming matches.  

Eventually came the time to depart. Levi was volunteered by Mikasa to drive them, even though his car was the smallest. Not a word was spoken the entire way there, all were nervous and excited at the same time, with limitless energy despite having spent the past few hours playing around.

Twenty minutes later, Levi found a parking space and stopped the car. Not a soul dared to get out.

“Guys, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all…” said Jean weakly.

“We’ll perform without you then, can you handle the guitar Mikasa?” Levi already knew the answer to the question, but he was sure Jean would take the bait.

Mikasa nodded silently and got out of the car. She grabbed her guitar from the trunk and started walking inside without looking back. Eren and Levi followed, assuming Jean would follow not too long after.

The noise hit Levi instantly. Loud chatter, laughter, and crappy music irritated his eardrums. Perhaps he should follow Jean’s advice and pussy out. He snorted at the thought. They had about half an hour to go, and to ease their nerves, Eren suggested they get a drink. Levi outright refused, because he needed his brain to be fully functional. Even the smallest bit of alcohol could cloud anyone’s mind and slow its performance. Eren shrugged and went to get himself a beer.

A fucking beer. Gross.

Ten minutes remaining and Eren was still drinking his second beer. Or third. Mikasa was leaning against a wall observing Eren and Jean was—where was Jean? Levi looked around but the idiot was nowhere to be seen. Not in the restroom, backstage or else. He walked up to Eren.

“Have you seen Jean? We’re about to go up.” Eren looked around in confusion for a few seconds, then looked back at Levi with widened eyes.

“Shit. I think he really did stay behind”

“Thank you for noticing guys”. Levi nearly jumped at the sound of the new voice directly behind him. Eren didn’t waste a second to burst into laughter.

“Jean! Were you in the car all this time?”

Jean pushed his friend lightly on the shoulder. “Assholes. You would have just gone up without me wouldn’t you?”

“Frankly, yes”. Levi looked at his watch. “But let’s get going. We don’t have much time to prepare”.

They all walked backstage and got their instruments ready. Double and tripled check they were in tune, amps working and all.  Levi took a deep breath. It would be alright.

When they finally emerged, Levi felt exposed, naked. He could feel dozens of stares burning into him, dissecting him. The place was hardly full, with just a handful of half-filled tables here and there, and even less were paying attention to the small stage. This wasn’t the type of audience that would appreciate their music, but that was no excuse to do a shit job.

Mikasa opened up with an extremely brief introduction and didn’t thank the people for listening, as the vocalist often did before the performance.

First song on the list- [Falling Down](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw_c6JTVC2A) by Muse. This was one of their best introductory songs, especially for bars.

Mikasa started off strongly. She had a deep, yet feminine voice with a husky undertone when she sang. It worked really well with slow, relaxing songs such as this one. And they had practiced enough that they were able to keep up with any unpredictable changes in the rhythm. But there weren’t any. Everything flowed smoothly. The music moved along and soaked the ears of the listener. Mikasa swayed from side to side, immersed. She interpreted the song well, going from sweet to angry then apologetic. By the end of it, they had turned a lot of heads and even got a handful of claps.

The second song did not go so well. Their choice was [Space Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBtlPT23PTM) by Beach House. The first minute was purely instrumentals and relied heavily on the guitar. The first half of it went well, mostly with Jean showing off, but the drums joined a second too early, and the second guitar, following Eren’s lead, hesitated too long. Jean and Levi attempted to guide the other two until Mikasa simply stopped playing altogether and focused on singing only. The slight synchronization problems must have gotten to her, because her voice cracked a few times throughout the song. Thankfully, Jean managed to salvage them and ended it on a good note with a nice melancholy guitar solo.

Meanwhile, Levi found himself staring at the microphone Mikasa passed to him. He looked out into the crowd. They had lost viewers. He looked back at his bandmates. Eren gave him a smile of encouragement, Jean nodded and Mikasa just stared back at him with her usual stony expression. He took an internal deep breath and nodded at Jean, signaling him to start. He closed his eyes and listened for his cue. Jean once again had his minute of impressive guitar solo glory.

_Here it goes._

_Muse’s[Blackout](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dee3RSgUWiM)._

Impressive guitar and drums resonated deep within him, relaxing him while at the same time gave him a feeling of such melancholy and nostalgia that he succeeded in forgetting where he was. The second he let the first note out of his lips, a surge of electricity went down his back, leaving the hairs on his entire body standing on end. His cheeks grew warm. His heart pounded furiously in his chest. The world around him became a blur. He recognized the feeling.

_Ecstasy._

He embraced it. Focusing on the sorrowful melody of the other instruments, he sang. He sang as if he were singing for the last time in his life. Overcome with emotion he wasn’t aware he possessed, he let it all out, unashamed. He could almost feel unshed tears in the corner of his eyes. Suppressed thoughts flew rapidly in his brain, having finally been allowed to take form. The past he shared with the people he shared this stage with. The helplessness, anxiety, disappointment, and… loneliness that he had fought so hard to repress for the past few years were released so easily, it was laughable. He could hear his own voice, but at the same time he didn’t.  He could _hear_ the music, but he didn’t think of it. _He became it._

Furious clapping brought him back to the human world, where nearly the entirety of bar was turned his way, mesmerized.  Some stood to clap. Levi’s knees almost gave out. He was drained, in every sense of the word.

He almost didn’t hear it amongst the loud clapping and cheers, but he regretfully did.

A quiet sob.

Painfully slowly, he turned toward the sound, but Mikasa’s fist blocked his view. Pain spread quickly in his right cheekbone, and he felt himself falling sideways. On his way to the floor, he caught a glimpse of _him_. The look he gave him was so full of pain and sorrow, it would haunt Levi for the rest of his life.

_Eren_.


	4. Confrontation

It took Levi a few moments to process his current situation as he lay on the hard cold floor. There were three outstanding facts:

Mikasa had just punched the hell out of him.

Eren was crying.

They were still onstage.

They were still on the fucking stage. But being the impulsive overprotective friend that she was, Mikasa could not wait a minute longer to humiliate them all. Onstage. If they hadn’t turned heads before, they definitely had now.

Levi knew this, he was aware of it, but yet he could not stop his body from launching itself at Mikasa full speed. He’d had enough of her bullshit. One second he was on the floor, and the next he was returning Mikasa’s punch. Then they were both exchanging fast blows while Jean got behind him and tried to pull them apart. The idiot obviously didn’t’ think that through. He was nowhere near strong enough to separate them and even if he did manage to stop Levi that still wouldn’t stop Mikasa. Jean ended up lying somewhere on the floor in pain after Levi gave him a back kick without interrupting his dance with Mikasa. The crowd responded five minutes too late. By the time they were pulled apart, Levi could feel blood inside his mouth and at least one growing bump in the back of his head. Mikasa didn’t look any better.

Expectedly, they were kicked out and banned from ever coming back, and Levi could still hear the distant hypocritical shouts of “woman-beater” and “abusive bastard” as the four of them walked out of the place in exhausted silence. Levi rolled his eyes. People and their stupid stereotypes. Mikasa was stronger than any man he knew, apart from himself.

A sigh broke the silence.

Levi wasted no time to launch himself at the guy. He grabbed Eren by the collar of his shirt and pushed him some eight feet back until his head hit back wall of the bar.

“Explain this shit to me right now” He paused to spit blood. “I think I deserve a fucking explanation”.  His free hand formed a tight fist. He had to fight against himself to not punch the guy’s face in. His other hand still held Eren loosely by the throat. From his peripheral vision he could see Mikasa making her way over with a trailing Jean. Eren shook his head and pushed Levi away with surprising strength, almost making him stumble.

“Shut up! You piss me off!” Levi couldn’t tell if Eren was crying or laughing. Now it was Levi’s turn to be pushed up against a wall. “You want to know what’s going on? I’ll tell you. I’ll fucking tell you.” Eren had a loud mouth, but it was rare for him to curse. Suddenly losing strength, he slumped against the wall beside Levi, running an exasperated hand through his hair. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. I just can’t”.

“How long has it been since we met Levi?” His voice went down to a whisper. He continued without waiting for an answer. “Do you even know? Do you even care? Do you know how excruciatingly painful it is to remember all these useless details when you’re trying so hard not to? To pay attention to everything you do, everything you say, to notice every time our hands touch by accident, to always have you in my field of vision even I’m trying not to? When you don’t even spare me a glance?” Eren laughed pathetically, “I’m like a high school girl, it’s so pathetic. Why did you come back into my life Levi? Why?” Eren’s voice broke at this point, and Levi was rendered speechless.

“I was doing so well, had completely moved on” A sob, or laugh, Levi couldn’t tell- “but then you had to come and show up again. Can’t you just let me move on with my life? Why do you keep appearing before me? What the hell did I do to deserve this?” Eren took a couple deep breaths, trying to calm down. “And you know what’s funny? All this time, you had not a fucking clue.” Eren laughed darkly, or cried, or combination of both. “Why do you do this to me? Tell me Levi, why do you do this to me?!” Eren shouted, grabbing Levi by the shoulders and shaking him. The end of his shout turned into a choked noise and he let go, slumping against the wall once more. He ran his hands through his hair, his eyes reflecting anguish to such an extent that Levi and the other two witnesses simply stood stunned in place. Eren sucked in a few more shaky breaths and pushed himself off the wall. He joined his other two friends, who looked at each other before nodding and followed after him.

Mikasa turned back to a flabbergasted Levi. She shook her head sadly and left.

The other two departed without sparing a single glance at the raven haired man. He stood in the ally motionless for some time, trying to process what exactly had just happened. Then, suddenly, a wave of fury overtook him.

_How_ dare _they. How fucking dare they make_ me _the antagonist when I had no idea of anything that was going on. How long had the bastard felt that way? What a fucking hypocrite! Him and everyone, people in general were such_ dirt _. When the hell did I give Eren any sort of inclination for him to feel that way? Why is he so obsessed with me? What the hell? I didn’t give him any reasons to. He went and did it all on his own. And then he had gone and told everyone. Except me. He pretended to be a friend for- how many years? Had it all been a lie since the beginning? Mikasa obviously knew, and I do not doubt for a second Jean was in on it as well. They probably spit on my food when I wasn’t looking, and then smiled to my face the next second._

_This_ is why Levi didn’t deal with people.

His hands tightened into fists and he shook with the suppressed desire to hit something, anything. So he kicked the wall as hard as he could and cursed himself for it.

It motherfucking hurt.

He kicked it again.

He couldn’t understand why they hadn’t just told him. And why had the other two automatically taken Eren’s side? His opinion wasn’t even considered. He was there as bonding symbol for them to hate on, to talk shit about behind his back. Levi laughed bitterly and walked aimlessly to the next bar in the neighborhood. No way in hell he was going back to the other one. He briefly wondered how the bastards were going to get home. Not his business anymore.

He sat in a stool, the furthest away from people he could spot, and ordered the first thing he spotted on the menu.

Levi didn’t drink. He occasionally drank a glass of fine wine in the comfort of his apartment when there was something worth celebrating. Last time was a few months ago when he got a nice bonus for a job well done. And the one before that had been in celebration of his salary being raised by a mere three percent.

_Pitiful_.

Were those the only things in his life that were worth celebrating anymore? A few extra thousands of dollars that made no difference to his lifestyle? And, possibly most depressing of all, there was not a single soul in his life he could share those pathetic celebrations with. The image of the retreating back of his three old friends came to mind. He punched the counter to get rid of it. He didn’t _need_ anyone in his life. It was true, but he couldn’t stop the sulking feeling of loneliness from surfacing every once in a while.

The barista handed him a purple drink. What the hell did he order? Kool-aid in a cocktail? He scoffed and took a tentative sip. Not horrible, but not great either. He downed the whole thing to get the mediocre taste out of his mouth as soon as possible and ordered some kind of original orange mix next.

Why had Eren even approached him again? That run-in they had at Starbucks couldn’t be helped, but Eren could have simply kept his mouth shut instead of forcing his way into Levi’s life again. And yet he still dared accuse Levi of invading _his_ life when he was trying to move on. Hypocritical.

As his second drink was placed before him, Levi realized that the reason he hadn’t heard from the three of them over the last couple of years was precisely because of this. Because of Eren. He tsked in irritation. How immature could they get? Giving him the cold shoulder without even letting him know the reason. Thinking back on it, there wasn’t a precise moment when they stopped hanging out together, they had just drifted apart. The more Levi thought about it, the angrier he got. They hadn’t just drifted apart. He had been deliberately avoided.

_To hell with people._

After his fourth or fifth drink, he started to feel the effects of the alcohol. He intentionally ordered a stronger drink than the last every time he ordered, because it just didn’t feel enough. His anger level had substantially decreased to a tolerable level, and a new feeling began taking its place.

Guilt.

_“Levi! These buttons are too difficult!” Nifa giggled, unbuttoning Levi’s top hesitantly. She pushed him down onto the bed gently, straddling his hips. Her hands ran down his chest as she leaned down to kiss him. Levi met her halfway, content. This was the first time during the six months they’d been dating that they had gotten a chance to be intimate, and it was unbearably pleasant, if not a little awkward. Being the teenagers that they were, their frustrations and curiosity had built up, so much that the first time Levi’s uncle announced he’d be gone all weekend, Levi jumped at the opportunity to bring Nifa over._

_He smiled against the kiss, sitting up and pushing her down into the bed instead. He slid out of his top completely, then bent down and began a trail of neat kisses down her neck. This wasn’t anything new, they’d done this kind of thing before. It was what came after that was untouched territory, and it made him both eager and nervous at the same time._

_Suddenly, his phone went off, but they both ignored it. Whoever it was could wait. Nifa sat up and took her shirt off, and Levi admired her thin body. He reached out with newfound confidence, and distantly heard some noise outside, but they couldn’t be bothered to pay attention. Nifa was soft, warm, and welcoming. This was their moment._

_Until his door barged open._

_“Levi! Why are you ignoring—“_

_Slowly, murderously, he turned around to face the unwelcome intruder. Fucking Jean stood frozen in the doorway, holding on to the doorknob with his mouth open. Levi grabbed a pillow and threw it at him as hard as he could._

_“Get. The. Hell. Out.” That seemed to have woken up the guy from his stupor, for he grabbed the pillow before it hit him and called out, “Woah. Eren! Come over here!”_

_“Eren-what? How the fuck did you even get in?” Levi stormed toward Jean and pushed him out of the room, but right before he slammed the door in his face, Eren appeared and Levi could see recognition flash in his eyes before it was replaced with some other emotion he did not understand at the time._

Levi released a long sigh. The signs had all been there. He just hadn’t been paying attention. How many times had he unintentionally hurt Eren with his obliviousness? He couldn’t even imagine. Nifa’s and his relationship had been ongoing for well over a year until she transferred schools, and after that first time Eren had walked in on them at least two more times. Eren hadn’t been obvious at all, but there had definitely been unconscious, subtle movements that betrayed his emotions. He didn’t want to think about how painful it must have been to hold his feelings back and keep pretending it was all fine.

He could see it all clearly now, and it made his heart ache. The four teenagers had been very laidback and carefree, enjoying the world with no particular worries. Eren particularly grew closer to him gradually, invading his personal space naturally, touching him more than he did the others, always looking out for him and putting more weight on his opinions. Levi had taken it all for granted, accepting it as simple friendship. Which it probably was. There was a fine line between friendship and romance. At what point did one turn into the other? Was lust the only difference? But physical attraction wore off, so wasn’t friendship preferable anyway? Levi didn’t think Eren had even been aware of his own feelings at the time. He hoped he hadn’t.

But at some point puberty must have hit him. And then Nifa came into his life. He wasn’t a talkative person by nature, especially when it came to his private affairs, but Jean loved that kind of talk. He always forced all the details of his relationship with Nifa out of him. Of course, Eren was always around to hear them. And Nifa hung around them often. How many times had he canceled plans with the band to be with her? How many times had he asked Eren to cover attendance for him while he snuck off with her? He had even borrowed Eren’s house one weekend when his parents weren’t home. By the time she had transferred and the second semester of high school came around, he didn’t really speak with his friends anymore. He hardly waved at them when he saw them in the hallways. Falling out of friendships was a common thing, and theirs was no different. It had been slow and gradual. Or so he had thought. Now he knew there was nothing natural about it. But perhaps they weren’t totally at fault. He had admittedly neglected them a little to be with Nifa. But he had obviously been avoided and the thought again made him angry, but it was a subdued type of anger this time. Now it was coupled with feelings of remorse and regret. He was angry with himself, with his lost friends, with Eren. And he was angry at the fact that he was angry. He shouldn’t be agitated over something that happened in the past and he had no control over.

_Fucking Eren._

He wanted to vent. He wanted someone to talk to, but who else was there besides the bastards that were the cause of his frustration?

Well, he could always talk to _her_. His second and last girlfriend. The one that kept him company throughout college. The one that wouldn’t leave him alone. Someone whom he was still in contact with. If being in contact meant exchanging texts every several months.

And who was better than his ex to complain about someone obsessing over him? The alcohol could always serve as an excuse.

He called her.

“Levi?”

“Hey. Are you free right now?”

There was some hesitation on the other end of the line, and he could hear a distant voice asking who was bothering at such a late hour.

“Um, where are you?” Levi told her where he was, and she promised to be there within the hour, forcing him to promise not to drink anymore. Levi hadn’t mentioned he was drinking, but she was one of the few people that could notice the slight differences in his voice and countenance with ease. In fact, there were only two people he knew that were capable of doing so.

An hour and half later, the short blonde arrived.

“Petra”. He offered a half smile.

She took one look at him and hugged him tightly, “Oh, you poor man, what’s happened to you?”

Perhaps due to the alcohol, perhaps due to desperation, or a combination of both, he told her everything unreservedly. He couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken so much. By the time he was done, she was holding back tears.

_This poor soul._

It was obvious to her just how much the incident had hurt him. During the three years they had been together, he didn’t talk about any of his bandmates. She knew he had been in a band, but he didn’t talk about the details of it. He wasn’t hiding it exactly, but he cherished those memories and kept them in a private part of his mind. Something to look at fondly when he wanted to smile in private. While she was glad he was sharing this with her now, she was a little saddened that he hadn’t shared it with her before. The only reason he was letting it out now was because the memories weren’t the same anymore. The veil had been lifted. The innocent, happy, naïve memories of his youth had been replaced by a darkness he wasn’t aware existed before. Pain, suffering, hypocrisy, obliviousness. The poor guy had been isolated without his awareness, or even the reason behind it. While she understood the other party’s point of view, she didn’t understand why they had revealed this now. It was a selfish move, and they hadn’t considered Levi’s feelings at all.

Petra’s heart ached for Levi. The root of his distress wasn’t even Eren or his friends. It was a deeper issue that had engraved itself within him over the last few years. Levi was clearly unhappy. Disappointed. Disheartened. Unsatisfied. Empty. He was sick of his job, sick of the workplace in general, sick of being chained to working for people to survive, sick of being sick of everything. He waved it off claiming his ambitions were too great, too unrealistic, too unachievable for his small hands, but the truth of the matter was that he was borderline depressed. He craved for something greater, something that gave him goosebumps, something that kept him up at night. But he was too old to dream, too old to realize any dreams and inspirations were too unrealistic to chase after. The world was a large one. Was this all there was in it for him? Couldn’t there be something, somewhere? Letting go of one’s dreams was what many called growing up. He hated that attitude. He hated that he had accepted it. He hated how mundane life was. He’d sold out. He’d become one of many. He’d become a slave. And he was afraid, afraid of the humdrum, monotonous life that awaited him.

He wanted freedom.

Today, on that small stage, he got a small taste of it. No, that wasn’t right. He’d already tasted it before. And that made it all the more agonizing. The matter with Eren had wounded him. It had re-emphasized his feelings of emptiness. The one place that had once offered him freedom, happiness, fulfillment was no more. 

Petra thought Levi was perhaps taking things a little too seriously, and come tomorrow he would feel better and look at things more positively. It’s not like it had always been like that. He and Eren, along with Jean and Mikasa, had shared a genuine platonic relationship for a long time, and Levi shouldn’t belittle that. She let Levi know as such but the man wasn’t very coherent anymore. She took him back to his apartment. She had visited a few times, so she knew where he lived and where he kept a spare key. He could pick up his car tomorrow.

On her way back home, she remembered something vital. A piece of information that had bugged her before and just now became a concise thought.

_Eren._

She really hoped it wasn’t as she thought.

 

* * *

 

Levi woke up to the ringing of his phone. A dull ache on the back of his head reminded him of the previous night’s events and he contemplated sleeping the day away. It was Saturday after all. He was allowed to do that. But the phone continued to ring.

He sighed and reached for it, not bothering to check who was calling. Probably someone from work.

“Levi speaking”

“Are you this formal in the mornings?”

Taking a quick look at the caller id, he reaffirmed it was Petra. “Thank you for yesterday Petra”

Petra took a deep breath on the other end of the line. “Levi, what is Eren’s last name?”

“Jaeger” he answered lazily. What could she possibly know about the guy?

Petra stayed silent for a moment. “Levi, I’m so sorry for what I’m about to say, but I think you should know”.

Levi was wide awake now. “…Go on”.

“Eren went to the same university with us. He was in quite a few of my classes since we both majored in psychology. I had no idea you knew him. Oh my god, Levi, I was always talking to him about you. Wait, was he stalking you? He didn’t strike me as that kind of guy. Did he know what school you were going to?”

Levi didn’t know if he could take anymore of this shit. “I never mentioned it”

“So it was a coincidence? Well, not too much of a coincidence, this is a pretty small city after all. Most of the kids at our school were local. But oh my god Levi I’m so sorry. I think I was the one who talked to him first. I probably made things worse. I kinda feel really bad for him now. He would always say how much you reminded him of someone he liked before. Oh god, I was the one always talking about you. I don’t think he ever asked. I don’t think he wanted to know. And you never noticed he was in my classes. Didn’t we meet in the hallways a couple of times before class? I’m pretty sure he was around. He probably saw us”.

Levi painfully understood what she was trying to say. Eren’s words echoed in his head. He could make perfect sense of them now.

_“I was doing so well, had completely moved on” A sob, or laugh, Levi couldn’t tell- “but then you had to come and show up again. Can’t you just let me move on with my life? Why do you keep appearing before me? What the hell did I do to deserve this?” Eren took a couple deep breaths, trying to calm down. “And you know what’s funny? All this time, you had not a fucking clue.” Eren laughed darkly, or cried, or combination of both. “Why do you do this to me? Tell me Levi, why do you do this to me?!”_

Levi ran a hand down his face. Life could be so cruel. He didn’t dislike Eren at all. Sure, he was angry at him, the situation could have been handled much better. But he didn’t dislike him. He was admittedly the closest he had ever gotten to a person, and knowing that he was the cause of Eren’s suffering over many years pained him. And irritated him. And angered him. And left him feeling with groundless guilt that he hated.

“Levi… I think you should put some distance between you two. He probably thought he was over you and talked to you again, but it wasn’t a good idea. He’s too obsessed. It’s not… healthy.”

“…”

“Levi…”

“I know, Petra. Thank you”.  Levi sighed as he hung up.

_What a fucking mess._


	5. Exile

Chapter 5 - Exile

The next few weeks passed by without much trouble. Levi slid right back into the normalcy of his daily routine before that fated day at Starbucks. He was a little surprised at how easy it was to go back to his previous style of living. But what was there to be surprised about? That was simply how life was. How humans generally were. Eager to forget. Eager to move on. Eager to live pointlessly. A depressing thought, but not an untrue one. Lives went on meaninglessly, having little to no effect in the grand scheme of things. But what _was_ the grand scheme of things anyway? Wasn’t it all relative? Everyone had their own worries, their own important things in life. As for him- what _were_ his important things in life? What was _his_ own grand scheme of things? It certainly wasn’t that dirty apartment he lived in.

Levi sighed.

It wasn’t _completely_ back to normal.

The first few days after that phone call with Petra were particularly irritating. He was in ill humor for days. Simply remembering Eren’s name brought the irksome memory of the night at the bar to mind. That had been the first and probably last time he performed on stage after many years. His fist had grown red from the many times he’d hit his desk in frustration. It would happen unexpectedly, at a random time during the day. While working, exercising, watching TV, anything he could be doing any given day, he would suddenly be hit with the memory and his irritation would return. He resented Eren for ruining his mood; he resented himself for allowing such a trivial thing to affect him. But the problem was that it wasn’t a trivial thing. A person’s feelings were not trivial. Particularly when he was the cause and recipient of such feelings. Thus he spent all day in a constant state of exasperation and indignation, mainly originating from finding himself in that state to being with. Everything irritated him. Small things he hadn’t noticed before began to bother him— The neighbor’s dog’s barking when his owner came home, the offensively sexist tv commercials, the lack of talent in tv actors, the disgustingly undercooked meat in his burger, his itchy beard, the small finger stains in his computer monitors— he was driving himself insane.

But he was no exception to the human nature of forgetting and moving on. After a few days the initial anger and irritation began dissipating. He went on with his days normally, remembering the stupid incident less and less until he didn’t really remember it at all, or if he did it would just be a passing thought he could easily push aside, like responding to texts.

Naturally, life went back to normal.

Excessively normal.

Excessively quiet.

Excessively peaceful.

Excessively empty.

He had too much free time, and not enough to occupy it. He grew restless as he relaxed in front of his large TV, as he read or surfed the net. He’d taken up French not too long ago, but practices at Jean’s house had taken up almost all of his free time and he’d been forced to abandon it. He tried picking it again, but it still didn’t ease the restlessness invading him. Unintentionally his daily work hours increased. He would find himself working at night when TV didn’t satisfy him, or on the weekend when he finished working out. His manager appeared quite pleased with his recent performance, but Levi wasn’t exactly fond of unpaid overtime, so he put a stop to it. Why do something so unnecessary when he gained no benefit from it? He considered picking up a new hobby, a new sport perhaps, but most sport activities required at least an additional person to practice with, and that was something he wanted to avoid at the moment. He even considered becoming an on-site worker for a change of pace, but immediately trashed the thought. Was he seriously considering having to deal with people on a daily basis- he already did, but at least it was through email only- just because of that little incident with Eren and his friends? Did it seriously affect him so much that he’d rather leave the comfort of his home to work in a prisoning office?

As painful as it was to admit, their absence left a bigger hole in his life than he was comfortable with. He had only spent time with them for a couple of weeks, but it hadn’t felt that way. They had been separated for years, but even so, the connection he felt with them was unmistakable.

He’d felt at home.

Perhaps it had been simple nostalgia. Perhaps he had been so unused to human interaction that when he encountered it again, he was reluctant to let go. He would never admit it to anyone, but he rather missed the bastards.

_“Guys, can someone take over now? I’ve been driving for hours! Not fair!” Jean complained behind the wheel._

_“Quit whining Jean. You lost the bet. You only had to get a sixty on our last math test but you got a fifty! Dumbass!”_

_“Shut up Eren! You only got a fifty-five! So why do I have to drive?!”_

_“’Cause you’re dumb”_

_“_ I’m _dumb?. You failed your driving test two times already!”_

_“So? What does that have to do with anything? And what about you, dumbass? It only took you like four times to get your license”_

_“Because my stupid dad-“_

_Mikasa laughed quietly from the back seat beside Levi, who watched the other two’s bantering in amusement. He didn’t mind driving himself, but it was fun to annoy Jean. Eren was particularly good at that. They were going to be on the road for at least five more hours, so why not seek out entertainment from the source that never failed to provide it?_

_This was their first day on the road, having decided to follow their favorite band, Muse, for a couple performances on the neighboring states during their tour. The dates overlapped with their spring break; the timing couldn’t have been more perfect._

_Jean was to be the designated driver the entire time._

_Levi fell asleep the rest of the ride without realizing it. Mikasa awoke him brutally with a punch to the chest when they arrived, about ten minutes late. They bought tickets at the door from desperate vendors who had lowered the price to seventy percent of the original and rushed in._

_The music sucked them in immediately. Hyped, they found their way to their seats, but the whole audience was standing up so it did not matter. Sound surrounded them from every place at every angle. Loud, electrifying music chilled them to the bone. They screamed the lyrics along with the rest of the fans, swaying unconsciously, fist bumping, jumping along. Somewhere in the middle of it Eren climbed on Levi’s back and sat on his shoulder, swaying and singing along to a slow song. Levi almost dropped him- he wasn’t exactly light- but an annoyed fan behind them beat him to it. A short, burly man right behind Levi cursed him angrily and forcefully pulled Eren down. Levi would have probably done the same thing. The rest of the concert passed in a similar manner. There wasn’t a single song that the four of them did not know the lyrics to. Truly, live music could not possibly be replaced by any type of electronic replication._

_“Ahhh that was so awesome. Matt is so great, I love him!” Eren skipped to the car, humming the Uprising theme. Levi had to agree with him. That was without a doubt the best concert he’d ever been to. He had only been to a few more but he was certain this would be a memorable day for the rest of his existence._

_Sweaty bodies, sore throats, alcohol, and loud music made up the entirety of their days that week. By the end of it their voices were gone and their ears were ringing, but they were in such good mood that they splurged on a nice hotel and crashed into the bed instantly. They woke up in a tangle of arms and legs that would have made for a very interesting picture._

Levi opened his window to let some fresh air in and picked up his disregarded bass. He didn’t usually practice on his own but he doubted he would be rejoining the damn band, so he would continue with individual practice. He practiced notes mindlessly at first, easily losing track of time. Then he started playing specific songs from memory and he sang along. He wished he knew how to play guitar, as it was a much more natural accompaniment to voice than his bass.

This started a new schedule throughout his days. He enjoyed the alone time, welcomed it. Some days thoughts of Eren and the other two would fog his mind. The initial feelings of anger had completely evaporated, so all he felt now was a form of guilt. Guilt that he knew was completely undeserving of Eren but he couldn’t help it. He felt guilty for his obliviousness for so many years, for having hurt him unintentionally. Guilty for unknowingly having attended the same university as him and not noticing him. Guilty for unreservedly presenting his girlfriends to him, even when he wasn’t aware. He started wondering how Eren was doing, whether he was ok now and whether they would break up the band again.

One day while practicing with his bass, his mind started to wander into untouched territory. What would it have been like if Eren had confessed his feelings before, while they were in still in school together? How would Levi have responded? In all honesty, part of him was glad Eren didn’t do it. It would have ruined their friendship. Possibly. Though the other route wasn’t unthinkable. Would he have accepted? Given Eren a chance? Levi wasn’t gay. At least he didn’t think so, but he wasn’t a close-minded bastard that stubbornly stuck to one side of the yard. He was open to anything, without regards to societal norms and labels. This was especially true during his younger days, and one of the reasons he hated his current work situation was precisely because of this.

What if, in a moment of spontaneity, he’d decided to accept Eren’s feelings? What would have become of them? Frankly, Levi was painfully curious. What would it be like dating the guy? What was it like to date a man anyway? He couldn’t visualize it. The things he did with the only two girlfriends he had ever had, he had done with Eren, sans the sex. Is that what Eren wanted then, sex? That seemed awfully shallow. Levi was certain that what Eren felt was deeper than simple sexual attraction, if his interpretation of things was correct. For whatever incomprehensible reason, Eren was deeply, unhealthily attached and obsessed with him. What was so good about him anyway? What did Eren see in him? Levi didn’t think he was exceptionally handsome, or kind, and hell if he had an ounce of charisma in him. He didn’t understand how anyone could become so emotionally invested with him.

Perhaps Eren was in a similar situation as him. Romanticizing the past in order to get away from his dull present. Perhaps he was in love with the notion of being in love, and Levi had been the unlucky fool to be the object of those self indulging feelings. Or perhaps Levi was simply ignorant. He was a stranger to those feelings after all. But what if… what if he were to date Eren now? Would that open Eren’s eyes, make him see the object of his affections wasn’t really what he thought it was? Would that be a cruel thing to do? Cruel to Eren, maybe, but Levi would definitely find some peace of mind.

Levi played with these scenarios in his head as he continued to practice. _Impossible_. There was no way he could date Eren now or in the past, there wasn’t any attraction from his end. It was too big of a jump. A jump that would surely end in a fall. Although, if he were to consider dating anyone from that group of idiots, Eren was really the only one he could even consider. Mikasa was out of the question and Jean was just gross.

He chuckled to himself.

_What the hell am I thinking about?_

* * *

 

“Hello?” Once again, the ringing of his phone woke him up on a Saturday morning.

“Are you free today, Levi?” Levi didn’t know why Petra bothered to ask this every single week. She knew perfectly well that, besides work, he didn’t really have anything going on.

“No”

“Awh don’t be like that. Drink with me again today please?” Her voice went up a notch and she extended the last syllable of her question in what was probably an attempt to sound cute. Levi rolled his eyes. He might have found her cute before but now her attempts to sound cute were silly at best. Over the past month or two she and Levi took to hanging out every week or two. Petra was the one usually planning their meetings, at bars or sometimes they just drank at Levi’s apartment. It reminded Levi of their days in college, but there were no romantic feelings involved anymore. He wasn’t sure if there ever were.

Levi yawned. “Fine, usual place?”

“Hmm, how about we try a different one? I heard of one that recently opened and apparently they have fantastic food”

“Sure” He didn’t really care where they went. But he doubted the food would be ‘fantastic’. No food from a bar was ever that good.

“Great, I can pick you up if you want”.

“…Why?” They usually drove on their own. It was a little strange she was volunteering to drive.

“No reason, I just think it’s a waste for both of us to drive all the time.”

“…Fine. I’ll drive next time” There was logic in what she said, so he agreed, but not without a slight suspicion that she was up to something.

Five hours later and the suspicion grew tenfold. They sat in a corner table, the closest one to the currently unused small stage, and ordered food. Usually, they sat as far away from people as they could to maximize their privacy and actually hear each other talk. But today Petra insisted they sit here, because apparently she heard the band that was playing today was a good one.

Thusly it wasn’t really much of a surprise when Mikasa, Eren, and Jean walked onto the stage. What _was_ a surprise was the blonde girl with a big nose that joined them. Those predominant features of hers were easily recognizable.

… _Annie_.

Holding a fucking bass.

He looked at Petra furiously. Was this why she dragged him here for? She was looking at Annie in confusion, clearly taken by surprise.

“Are you shitting me right now? _How fucking dare they_ ” He slammed his glass on the table, startling Petra.

They easily moved on like nothing happened, simply replacing him with some _bitch_ while he spent his days miserably hating the world. What gave them the right to be so fucking insensitive and stomp on the rest of the world? He glanced at the corner of the stage where Eren was settling down with his drums. He looked relatively normal, healthy, not an ounce of distress visible in his countenance. Rather, he looked radiant. Levi wanted to strangle him.

_Fucking pathetic._ Here he was, raging in solitude while the recipients of that rage were not even aware of his presence. They were enjoying themselves happily, without a damn care in the world. He made a move to leave, but Petra held his arm. He’d almost forgotten she was there.

Sighing, he sat back down, glaring at her. She had clearly planned this. She must have. The sheepish grin she gave him confirmed it.

“Sadist”

Petra choked on her tea. The slightest bit of pink tinted her cheeks.

“Oh my god. How do you know?”

It was Levi’s turn to choke on his drink.

“Petra” he looked at her dead in the eyes “Please keep your sexual life to yourself”. 

Petra laughed heartedly, giving his shoulder a playful shove. “Come on, like we didn’t try that sort of thing before”.

Levi smiled a little awkwardly “It was only once”

Petra continued laughing. “You suggested it, and it was such a failure! Oh man, that was too funny”. Levi joined her with a sincere laugh of his own, embarrassed and amused with the memory.

Loud banging of drums brought them out their reverie.

Now that his anger vanished, he began actually paying attention to his old bandmates. They weren’t terrible. _Annie_ wasn’t a bad bassist at all, but Levi didn’t think she was better than him. She had her own character, her own interpretation that gave the whole band a different tone. A little plain perhaps, but not bad.

He sipped his drink lazily, starting to relax. The place was cozy, not crowded at all, and it smelled like fruits and cinnamon. It would be easy to forget he was not at the homey café down the street. Having let go of his initial bias, he simply sat back to watch and listen to the performers without thinking about the people themselves.

However, life was an extreme sadist that utterly enjoyed messing with him.  He should have been used to it by now, but it never failed to surprise him nonetheless.

Levi was in a sort of trance when it happened. The acoustic guitar introduction to the [song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gbj8-KZ69M)was done so well that he closed his eyes and soaked in the beautiful, almost eerie tune. It started slowly and built up to a subtle climax for a full minute before it stopped momentarily. Levi braced himself for it. He knew exactly what was coming and he prayed Mikasa would not mess it up.

A pause, then a low, clear, and unbelievably sweet voice took over the music.

_“You could be my unintended…”_

Levi snapped his eyes open. He almost jumped out of his seat.

That was certainly not Mikasa.

Instead, he found himself gawking stupidly at a bright set of forest green eyes he very well knew.

He wouldn’t doubt Petra if she said his mouth was open. What the hell was going on? He turned to Petra; she was seemingly as surprised as he was. He turned back to face Eren, who was looking directly at him. Levi held his breath. Since when could the little fucker sing? And why did he feel as though the song was directed at him? Was he thinking too much again? Eren couldn’t have possibly known that Levi was going to be there, but the lyrics that flowed from his mouth were so painful he had to step out. He needed to breathe.

_“...You could be the one I'll always love_

_I'll be there as soon as I can_

_But I'm busy mending broken_

_Pieces of the life I had before…”_

Ignoring Petra’s attempts to keep him inside, he rushed outside to get fresh air. He felt an urge to smoke; never in his life had he touched a cigarette.

The little he heard of that performance was… overwhelming. That went for just about anything Eren was involved with. At first glance, Eren appeared to be playful, laid back, and even superficial. But he had many more layers beneath that easy going attitude. His competitive, unrelenting nature was one of the reasons Levi had befriended him. Once he set his mind on something, he wouldn’t stop until he achieved it. Levi suspected this was another one of those cases. How many hours had he practiced for to prepare for today’s show? He could see it all unfolding in his mind. Someone, or perhaps Eren himself, made the suggestion that he sing. It probably had never occurred to him, but he took it as a challenge and gave it his absolute all. Hell, he probably took time off work just to practice. No, it was more probable he was working _and_ practicing at the same time. Levi chuckled at the thought. It was just like Eren to do that. 

He couldn't decide whether the song choice was appropriate or inappropriate. It was the song they had heard at the live Muse concert all those years ago, with Eren on his shoulders. After listening to him, Levi itched to get on stage. Why did he have to come this particular day? He kicked the air. What the hell was he doing? He was suddenly overcome with a feeling of suffocation. What the hell was he doing?

_What the hell was he doing?_

Perhaps it was the alcohol, perhaps it was something else, but the feeling of entrapment that had been plaguing him for a while surfaced really strongly. He was almost starting to find it hard to breathe. How old was he now? 24? That was only six years away from thirty. But what was he doing? Where was he going? Where could he go? What could he do? What would he do? What—

A hand on his shoulder interrupted his pessimistic self analysis. He jumped a fraction of a centimeter. So absorbed he was in his thoughts that he missed the footsteps as they approached him. At the back of his mind he hoped, but not expected, a certain brunette to have come out to apologize. He disgusted himself for hoping such a thing, but he knew it was Petra anyway.

“What do you want Petra?” He regarded her without turning around.

“Come back inside. You haven’t finished your drink”.

Levi sighed. He’d been doing that a lot lately. “Just give me a few more minutes. I need some fresh air”. Petra stepped beside him and leaned into him— a completely friendly gesture that had stuck since the time they were dating. He rubbed her back instinctively. 

“You should go talk to him”.

The way she phrased it sounded somewhat strange to Levi. It was such a cliché line that, although was not being used in the usual context, made him want to laugh. “Weren’t you the one that suggested I cut contact with him?”

“I know but, he looks _a lot_ better than I thought. And he saw you already anyway”. He agreed with Petra on that note. Eren seemed to have jumped right back on his feet despite all he’d said. He dumped his unwanted feelings on Levi and moved on with his life, while Levi struggled to cope with it all. He was the one who was now haunted with useless guilt, irritation and random bursts of anger. He clenched his teeth.

Yeah, he wanted to _talk_ with the guy.

They were just finishing off when Petra walked back in with a half reluctant Levi. The stage was a small one, just a step or two above the floor. As Petra and Levi walked back to their table, Mikasa, Eren, and even Jean passed by on their way to the door and completely ignored him. Jean looked rather uncomfortable and glanced back at Levi apologetically before he followed the others out. Petra looked at Levi expectantly.

“What?”  

Petra gave him a flat look and pointed to the door with a gesture of her head. Levi sighed again, slowly rose from the table and went after them. He had no plan as to what to say, but he had a clear vision of what he wanted to _do._

Once out the door, he spotted the trio by Mikasa’s truck a couple feet away. He walked quickly, directing his steps to the tall brunette holding the passenger door open. The instant he put his foot inside and started to slide in, Levi pulled him out by the back of his shirt and tossed him roughly into the side of the truck. Eren hit his back painfully. “What the—“

Before he could recover from the shock or finish whatever the hell he wanted to say, Levi punched him as hard as he had imagined doing so for the past couple of weeks. The sound it made was so satisfying that he went for another one. And another one. Unfortunately Eren recovered and pushed the shorter man away. Levi lost his balance for a second, he stepped back to regain it but stepped on an empty bottle of soda that some son of a bitch had left on the ground, and inevitably fell. Eren lost no time to jump on him and start throwing punches at him, now that he was in the unfairly gained advantageous position, but Levi easily turned the situation around with sheer strength, throwing Eren off him and onto the ground roughly. Eren wasn’t exactly easy to beat, but he wasn’t difficult either. He got quite a few good hits on Levi before they were both too exhausted to continue. Surprisingly, nobody attempted to separate them. Levi supposed they’d learned not to do that from past incidents. Actually, where had the rest of the group gone? Eren lay on his back, on the dirty ground. Levi sat nearby, arms on top of slightly raised knees, breathing heavily as he tried to regain his breath. He kicked at Eren’s leg to get his attention.

His companion looked up at him tiredly.

“Eren. Go out with me”

…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's freaking weird updating this after seeing the actual characters on the screen. Ugh.


	6. Declaration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short bridge chapter.
> 
> Summary of last chapter (I know it’s been a while, sorry about that):   
> Levi drinks with Petra almost every weekend and grows more wary of his current situation. He’s lonely, sometimes feeling guilty because of the whole situation with Eren, trapped with his current job, bored, tired, borderline depressed. One night he goes out to some bar with Petra and sees Eren’s band again, and he is furious to see he has been replaced by Annie. And Eren can apparently sing. He sings Muse’s Unintended. Levi can’t help himself, he chases after them all when they leave the bar and beats the shit out of Eren. Then he asks him out.

Disbelief, and most prominently, anger morphed Eren’s features as he stood up slowly, feigning calmness, offering a hand to the still sitting Levi.

“I hope you’re joking”, spat Eren through gritted teeth. Levi took his hand and stood up as well, biting back a laugh.

“I’m not”.

Eren took a deep breath, still attempting to remain calm, but a quick glance at Levi made him lose it. Was Levi _laughing_ at him?

“What the _fuck_ Levi?” Eren hissed. His voice grew louder by the second. “Is this charity? Are you pitying me? You damn bastard! What did you want me to do, huh? Cry of happiness?  Am I a dog to you?! Maybe I should wag my tail for you!” Eren laughed darkly. “I can’t— I can’t deal with you right now. Just— just go before I hit you again”.  He finished with a shake of his head and began walking back towards the bar, where the others had probably snuck back into.

Levi snorted, facing Eren’s back. “You’re so full of shit. Wake the hell up Eren, you’re not the center of the world. You think I’m doing this for _you?_ After all the shit you said to me? After all of you ignored me for years? You’re so fucking selfish”. Eren stopped walking and turned back to face Levi. “Why now after all this time? Why did the _hell_ did you come and dump your feelings on to me? Did you ever stop and think how I would feel? Did you even care about it? I can’t stop fucking thinking about it. I feel like shit and it’s all your fault. Yet you dare accuse me of barging into _your_ life? I can’t _stand_ this. I can’t stand _you._ All I fucking want is some fucking peace. Fuck”.

Eren walked the few steps back to stand directly in front of Levi. “That’s right! I’m selfish! That’s exactly why I had to tell you! The night we performed- it became too overwhelming. I would never be able to move on if I didn’t tell you! So just— don’t worry about it anymore”.

“Are you even listening to me, you shit? I said I’m not doing this for you. It’s my own self-satisfaction. You may have moved on like a selfish piece of shit, but now I’m the one who can’t! You think I can simply forget about it? What kind of person do you think I am? I fucking hate it. You tainted my memories with your shitty confession, and I _loathe_ filth.”

Despite his crude wording, Eren appeared to understand what Levi was trying to convey. Guilt and shame appeared in his face for a split second before he scrunched up his eyebrows and continued his stubborn streak, albeit much calmer now. “Dammit Levi! Do you even realize what you’re saying? I’m a man. Could you have sex with a man, huh? Have you thought about that? It’s ten years too late! We’re too old for this”.

Suddenly, Levi’s head cooled. That was a rare accurate statement coming from Eren. “You know what? You’re fucking right. I’m too fucking old for this”. He turned his back to the other man and left without another word. He thought he heard a faint apology from behind him but it was so soft he couldn’t be sure if he imagined it.

Petra was already waiting for him in the car. He briefly wondered if she had heard their shouts. Silence filled the air the entirety of their drive. He was grateful for it. As soon he set foot in his apartment, he passed out on the couch, energy depleted.

…

The doorbell woke him up, who the hell _dared_ bother him in the middle of the… afternoon? He groaned and stretched, dragging himself up from the couch slowly. The fight yesterday had done some damage. His entire body ached. The ringing stopped and the sound of footsteps walking away from the door had Levi considering simply ignoring his visitor.

He opened the door. A retreating figure turned at the sound.

 “…Is that offer still up?” asked Eren with a sheepish smile after a beat of silence. He had bags under his eyes and was wearing the same clothes from yesterday.

“…”

Eren’s smile faltered after a few seconds of silence. “…Were you joking yesterday after all?”

“…Come in”. Levi had been serious when he’d asked Eren out. He’d been serious _then._ But the fact was that it had been a spontaneous act of defense that he hadn’t really thought through. And he hadn’t been completely sober. Now that his head was cooled he wasn’t sure he could jump into a homosexual relationship so easily. And with Eren to boot. He wasn’t necessarily gay. Eren was attractive, but he wasn’t _attracted_ to the guy. He couldn’t see him as more than a single-celled fool of a friend. But Eren _did_ look at him that way, he always had. Levi sighed. He closed the door behind him and motioned for Eren to make himself comfortable.

“No Eren, I wouldn’t do that”.

Eren waited for Levi to take a seat directly in front of him before he began speaking, looking straight into the other man’s eyes. It was strange to see Eren so calm and serious. “I stayed up all night thinking about it. It’s probably something you said on a whim. Out of guilt, pity, or whatever, but it is not a chance I will ever get again. I don’t want to regret anything, and think about the what-ifs over and over again. So… can we try to clean the filth? There’s nothing to lose… anymore”.

_Nothing to lose_.

Their friendship wasn’t at stake anymore. It was over a long time ago. They were two adults aware and responsible enough to face any resulting consequences. What could result out of a gay relationship anyway? In the best possible scenario, Levi would lose the guilt and pent up anger that had been eating him up for weeks, and he’d be able to look at his old friends in a positive light again. If things went badly, nothing would really change. His strained relationship with Eren and the others didn’t have room to get any worse. With that in mind, he smirked at Eren, strangely excited.

“Why the hell not? Would you like to be my _boyfriend,_ E-r-e-n?” he slurred Eren’s name at the end. He wasn’t sure what he doing, but it was rather fun.

“With one condition”

Levi raised one eyebrow, a little surprised. “And what would that be, your majesty?”

“You’ve got to shave”.

“…”

And thus is the story of how Levi lost his beard.

 

 


	7. Friends

Levi stared up at his ceiling from the comfort of his bed, wondering just what the hell he had gotten himself into. What was he doing? He hadn’t seen or heard from Eren since the day he showed up at his house, and it made him a little weary. Was Eren expecting something? What was he supposed to do? Had it been a joke after all? He hoped Eren wasn’t expecting much from him, because it simply wasn’t going to happen. Not now. Naturally, a relationship implied a certain level of physical… bonding. Gay sex was a realm he hadn’t really considered before, but now that the opportunity had presented itself, he was rather curious about it, even if he didn’t want to partake in it just now. He wasn’t the slightest bit attracted to Eren in a sexual way. The mere thought made him want to chuckle in dismissive amusement.

Creepily coincidentally, he received a text from the guy just then. The _boyfriend._ He chuckled.

**_Eren:_ ** _Can I come over?_

**_Levi:_ ** _No._

**_Eren:_ ** _I’ll be there in thirty._

What a shitty _boyfriend_ he had _._ Levi chuckled a little louder this time. He should probably take things more seriously but just the word _boyfriend_ alone felt so foolish in his lips he couldn’t help but laugh.

The uninvited guest arrived an hour later, hands full of grocery bags that contained nothing more than snacks and alcohol.

“Netflix and chill?” asked Eren somewhat awkwardly when Levi opened the door. Levi rolled his eyes.

“Really, Eren?” He stepped aside to let Eren in, giving him a deadpan look.

“Umm… Hulu and chill?” tried Eren again.

Levi snorted.

“Amazon Prime and chill?”

Levi laughed at that one. “It’s Amazon Video dumbass, and either way it sucks”.

“Ah! Crunchyroll and chill?!” Levi’s laugh took away Eren’s awkwardness. He had visibly brightened and moved around the apartment with comfort.

“…I don’t have a Crunchyroll subscription”.

Eren almost dropped his bags on his way to the kitchen.

“Are you serious man? How can you survive like that?! Ah, is that why you always look so dead?” He laughed at his own joke, and stole a glance at Levi to find a flat look on his face. His laugh deepened. “That’s it! That’s the look I’m talking about!” Levi fixed him his best glare, but that only resulted in more laughter that was succeeding in irritating him. He went to the couch and began browsing _Netflix_ , and settled upon a new sci fi series that had been sitting on his watch list for a while. Eren joined him a few minutes later with two plastic plates and two large bags of Doritos. “So Netflix and chill then”. He handed one of the plates to Levi, who rolled his eyes and stared at it without lifting a finger.

“Are you trying to kill me?” he eyed the two bags of fat with disgust.

Eren took his plate back. “Fine, all the more for me”.

Ten minutes in and Levi begrudgingly took the empty plate from the table, glaring at it. He ignored the chuckles beside him as he helped himself to a full plate of the calorie filled chips.

They spent the entirety of the day lazing around like that. The series Levi found on Netflix turned out to be quite addicting. They finished all two bags of chips in no time and decided to order pizza to complete their uninterrupted laziness.

“Pepperoni?”

“You’re an easy man to satisfy Levi”

“What grand complicated pizza do you want Eren?” asked Levi with a roll of his eyes.

“Pepperoni”

Levi threw a sofa cushion at Eren’s head as hard as he could. “You’re so goddamn frustrating”.

Eren laughed easily, not even attempting to avoid it.

The pizza came in thirty minutes later. They ordered one large for each, and Levi was horribly surprised to find that Eren actually finished all of his. He only ate three slices.

“Fuck, how do you keep in shape?”

“I run every morning before work” Not only had it been a rhetorical question, but his answer irked him, because Levi had to actually exercise on a regular basis to keep his physique.

“Where the hell do you even work?”

“At a school”

“Cleaning toilets?”

It was Levi’s turn to get smacked with a cushion.

“Fuck you. I teach psychology”

Eren didn’t curse freely, the two exceptions being when he was very angry or very comfortable to not care. Levi also found Eren’s company very natural. It was easy to fall back into that laid back atmosphere and just be.

“Psychology? Hm. I guess you’d have experience with that” hummed Levi. Their sentences were far apart; they were speaking in between breaks when the action slowed down in the Netflix show.

“What is that supposed to mean?! What do _you_ even do?” Eren paused it to give Levi his full attention.

Levi yawned. “You know what I mean”, he tapped his temple suggestively, “and I’m just a boring software developer”. He sounded bitter even in his own ears.

Eren opened his mouth, closed it, then tried again. “I was going to make a joke about it but couldn’t think of one. That really _is_ boring. I’m sorry”.

Levi snorted, Eren was such a dumbass. He unpaused the show and conversation ceased.

Was this alright? They were both ignoring, forgetting, or perhaps just choosing not to think about what was going on between them. Perhaps they were simply going with the flow, not particularly planning or hoping for anything, and that worked out just fine with Levi. There was a small part of him that wanted to do _something,_ because not doing anything didn’t sit well with him, but he was enjoying himself as it was, and Eren appeared to be as well. They didn’t need anything else.

* * *

Things continued in the same manner for the next couple of weeks. Eren came over after work a few times a week and sometimes on the weekends when he didn’t have a gig with the other guys. He would usually head to band practice after Levi’s, and more than once he invited Levi to join them again, but Levi rightfully refused every time. He quickly grew accustomed to Eren’s presence. It was nice having someone around to listen to his daily complaints and annoyances, someone to share a retarded video he found on the internet with. Levi started to get familiar with Eren’s students from all the stories he heard, even if he had never met a single one.

Jean joined Eren one weekend, who, unlike Eren, barged into the house like he owned it and acted like nothing had changed He was so obviously trying to appear normal that the other two couldn’t help laughing at him.

“Why are you here Jean?” Levi had asked him, quite surprised to see him standing at his doorstep.

“I wanted to meet Eren’s boyfriend” He went right past Levi and straight to the kitchen, where he found himself a beer while the other two exchanged an amused glance.

“What do you want Jean?” Levi repeated.

Jean took a sip of his beer. “I’m sick of Mikasa,” he paused to look in Levi’s direction. “You’ve been hogging Eren all this time and she’s Eren-deprived,” he took another sip and looked away, “so I’m here to cockblock you”.

Levi choked on nothing and laughed stupidly when he recovered, glancing to see that Eren had reacted similarly. “She’s being so freaking annoying! I can’t stand her! Eren, just give her a kiss or something” continued dumbass Jean, adding on to the laughter of the other two.

“No no no no” Eren shook his head and waved his hands in front of him exaggeratedly, “Never! No incest in my family!”

Jean had the masterful skill of bringing out the childishness in everyone he met.

“Then Levi do it. A second hand kiss!” He made a kissing motion with his lips, the dumbass.

He was also the master of insensitivity.

Levi didn’t think Jean was capable of reading the mood. Eren had grown quiet, but Jean was still going on about Mikasa, unaware nobody was listening to him anymore.

That almost felt like a slap to the face. He hated Jean for bringing it up, the fact that he was dating Eren. It was easy to forget it, with the way they leisurely spent their days doing nothing. Now he couldn’t avoid his thoughts flying to unhealthy places. Was this ok? Was he the only one who was enjoying himself? Was Eren tired of him? Should they “break up”? Should he be doing something different? Why was he thinking of this in the first place? Why should he care what shitty Eren thought? Wasn’t this all started for his own sake anyway? That was right. He felt better, he looked better, and he didn’t even hate his job so much anymore. He hadn’t gone drinking with Petra since he started seeing Eren, which he only did when he was admittedly feeling lonely.

Jean’s phone went off. Mikasa’s name flashed in the screen and Levi couldn’t suppress a chuckle at the panicked look in Jean’s face. He stood up without picking up the phone and walked to the door. “The lady’s calling. Cockblocking over”. He bowed while making a “proceed” gesture with his arm, and hurried to leave the apartment. Levi could hear him picking up the phone afterward promising to be there in less than twenty minutes. He received a text shortly after:

**_Jean:_ ** _Tell Eren I took his car_

**_Jean:_ ** _Give him a ride plz_

**_Jean:_ ** _Or just let him sleep over. Sex is tiring you know_

**_Levi:_ ** _I’ll kill you._

With Jean out of the picture, Levi put on the 111th episode of Gintama. That was the latest anime they were marathoning, using Eren’s Crunchyroll subscription. In Eren’s words, it was the least they could do to support the creators, instead of streaming shows in some websites that profited off of them. Following Jean’s example, they got a couple beers out, it was the weekend after all.

Gintama was great for erasing the little awkwardness that Jean had left behind. Gintama was great for any occasion really, but Levi really appreciated the stupid humor the show provided today. Eren burst out laughing multiple times throughout the show, and his laugh was contagious.

Eren interrupted Levi’s thoughts with a completely random, unexpected, and unsexy “Hey Levi, can I kiss you?” No, it wasn’t random at all. Jean was to blame for all of this. Even Gintoki hadn’t been able to defeat him. Eren wasn’t even looking at Levi when he asked. He said it offhandedly with the same tone he would use to comment on Gintoki’s silliness. But when he paused the show and turned around, he had a challenging look about him, like he was asking for a fight instead of a _kiss_. Levi laughed at him. He couldn’t take Eren seriously at all. That apparently gave Eren motivation, or courage, or perhaps Levi just pissed him off. He crawled his way over to Levi on the sofa and placed one hand on the back of the couch, the other one under Levi’s chin to guide his face his way. There was a moment of hesitation, then his eyes dropped to Levi’s lips and he leaned the slightest bit his way, looking up at him again.

“Can I kiss you?” he repeated. There was nothing romantic or sexual in the action. There was no dramatic build up, like you’d expect from watching romantic movies growing up. Eren’s eyes were wide and challenging. It was a simple request, but it wasn’t a joke. Eren drew closer still. Levi’s chuckle faltered, and he instinctively tried to back away, but Eren’s grip on him didn’t allow him to move an inch. He swallowed thickly. Why was Eren doing this? The pink elephant had been safely hidden in the basement all this time. Why bring it out now? His hesitation must have shown in his face, because Eren sighed and let go of his chin. He got off the sofa and was more than likely about to go home.

In a moment of impulsiveness, Levi reached for Eren’s hand before he left and pulled him back down. What the hell was he doing? What the hell was he _not_ doing? This was it. This was what he signed up for, voluntarily and completely aware of the implications that came with it. He wasn’t a coward. Pink elephants could bite his ass.

Eren stumbled onto his lap and Levi used the movement to grab the back of Eren’s neck. It felt rough against his fingers, much like his own. The feeling was foreign, and he almost hesitated again after finding Eren’s face so unusually close, his instincts screaming at him to move away, but Eren smiled brightly at him and finally locked their lips together. It was a simple peck, and it was so fast that Levi didn’t have a chance to react. His eyes were fully open, staring blankly at a laughing Eren.

“You’re so stiff, at least close your eyes!” Eren leaned in for another one, slower this time, and Levi allowed himself to relax. There really was no reason to be so tense, it was just a shitty peck. He felt like a goddamn middle schooler with the way he was reacting. He couldn’t let Eren play with him like that. His eyes closed and his lips felt the soft touch of Eren’s lips against his own with a gentleness he didn’t know Eren possessed. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, or why he had been so against it. Eren’s lips weren’t much different than any other set of lips. He didn’t have many sources for comparison, but they were definitely much softer than anything else he had experienced. He repressed a chuckle. What the hell was he so scared of? This was nothing. This was _easy._ It wasn’t even anything new. Eren was looking at Levi excitedly when he pulled back.

“Can you open your mouth?”

Levi complied. His previous tenseness and hesitation was gone, replaced by a growing curiosity and a form of competitiveness that Eren brought out from him. He parted his lips slightly, his gaze following Eren’s lips as he drew closer. Their mouths joined at an imperfect angle and Levi allowed Eren to lead. He didn’t respond initially, trying to sort through his thoughts. This was Eren’s mouth. Eren’s tongue. A man. His friend. His comrade. Eren obviously sensed the hesitation and pushed more forcefully against him, causing them both to tumble back into the couch. Levi rose to the challenge. He sat up supporting Eren’s waist, finally kissing back with an equal amount of force. He would not be the one to back down, even when his breath left him and his lips screamed for a break. It had been a long time since he had tasted another person’s mouth, and rather than finding it repulsive, he couldn’t break away from it. Eren tasted of beer. His mouth was hot and wet, and it felt good on his own.

Eren was the first to break away. His face radiated excitement. His cheeks were a little red and his eyes wide open, looking straight at Levi expectantly. Levi knew Eren had pretty nice eyes, but seeing them only a few inches away in broad daylight, he couldn’t deny they were unfairly fucking gorgeous.

Eren sat back on his end of the couch and smiled broadly. “That was good”.

Levi nodded. “Not bad”.

He unpaused Gintama and the light atmosphere returned to the room. There was no awkwardness, no embarrassment or tension surrounding them. They were simply two adults relaxing in their free time, contented to just be.


End file.
